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nojoy

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visit with therapist


nojoy

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What I really wanted to title this was Suicidal or homicidal. Why you might ask?  I met with the therapist yesterday & in talking about how I have been feeling frustrated & overwhelmed since the reduced dosage of zoloft.  I have gone from feeling empty emotionally to being frustrated, angry & overwhelmed.  She asked if I was suicidal.  I said no, She asked if I felt homicidal.  My response was if people don't leave me the H alone, then someone was going to get  slapped up side the head.  I think I prefer being empty than feeling anything.  Reminds me of something my mother used to say: be careful for what you wish, it may end up being what you really don't want. (oh yeah, I supposed to call the doc & talk about how the zolofyt )

So who do I want to slap up the side of the head? Let's start with my family.  The younger brother & his late wife's daughters finally was able to hold a celebration of life. She died a year & restrictions have been released on the number of people in a gathering (still have to wear masks).  I detailed in my last post about the events that occurred regarding what happened.  Then yesterday, the older brother sent a text saying he needed to know what day & time to meet with the rep from the humira at my house.   Seriously, clean your own dam(n) house to meet with these people.  I'm not his mother and  I do not have OCD about cleaning like my mother.   I haven't been able to get anything done in my own house feeling like I do.  This morning, D1 calls to ask what we are doing for Easter.  We haven't done anything for Easter since my mother died.   This is what I believe led to this question: D2's birthday is on Easter.  D2 has been to my house 3 times in the last 2 years, she made her choice to move out because we were getting on each others nerves.  Two years ago, I had no nerves to get on, I had no feelings about anything.  D2 will get the same thing D1 got for her birthday - a card & a starbucks card.

I asked D1 to come over next week during spring break when the grandkids are out of school since I haven't seen them since Christmas to help me clear out the enclosed back porch. She hemmed & hawed. Told her that I only needed someone to move the heavy stuff because of the RA has been painful for the past month.  (Yep, when it rains on me, I get the monsoon).  When I said most of the stuff was her granny's Christmas stuff so jumped right in that & said she would be over Wed or Thurs (her days off). We shall see what happens (& by that I mean if she even shows up.)

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