It's funny how the same situation or trigger can make different people think/react differently. I'm sitting here in my house with the window open and I can hear someone in the neighborhood playing music and talking and laughing outside, probably in their yard. My knee-jerk is, people are out there having a good time and I'm excluded. I'm not invited, I would never be invited, because for some reason that I haven't been able to figure out, people don't like me. In fact, everything in the world points to the fact that people don't like me. I've felt this way since the age of 5. So those people are out there having fun, talking and laughing and playing music, and it feels like hostility towards me.
Part of it is, we've lived in this suburban neighborhood for almost six years, and at first we were invited to neighborhood gatherings and parties. Then it stopped. The thing is, I don't know if they've stopped because they stopped or because we're no longer invited. I can't invite people over here because our house is not very nice. My husband is a hoarder and I've given up. But that's a different story. I sleep all day (I just got up and it's 4 p.m.) because I literally do not want to be awake with my thoughts. I feel so ashamed of our house, our lives, I feel like we don't fit in here. Now I'm just rambling so I'll stop here for now.