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Please don't feel obligated to read this. It's stupid.



I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Nor do I feel like I'm truly living due to the pandemic and everything else that's going on.

More than anything, I just want to not be so anxious all the time. I want to be able to leave my apartment without feeling like I'm going to catch the virus within seconds if I'm not wearing a mask and two pairs of gloves. In short, I want to be able to do things again and not feel so panicky in general.

I have a support system, of course, but I don't want to burden any of them with my troubles cause they don't understand even though they try. And the one person who does understand lives really far away with a life of her own and I feel guilty for needing her so much. I just want to not be so forgettable cause everyone leaves eventually even when they swear they won't and I'm tired of it. 


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I was very afraid in the beginning of this but then I got to a point where I realized nobody really seems to know what they're talking about at all with this virus.  They'll say one thing and change it tomorrow or the next day.  Everyone seems to be lost for the most part during this so I just decided to live my life how I wanted to live it.  Whatever happens happens.  The madness caused by following rules and guidelines they make up usually for political reasons way more than anything will drive you crazy.

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I can't imagine what this situation would be like if I was still in the grips of my anxiety disorder.  I used to be afraid to go out because of agoraphobia.  That's long gone but I can only imagine how horrible that would have been.  A lot of people are scared, but we can't let it completely stop our lives.  If you feel better going out wearing a mask and gloves, a lot of other people are too so you won't be too conspicuous.  I too know what it feels like when nobody understands, and you don't want to burden people with your troubles.  That's why you can come here and vent. 

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