I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Nor do I feel like I'm truly living due to the pandemic and everything else that's going on.
More than anything, I just want to not be so anxious all the time. I want to be able to leave my apartment without feeling like I'm going to catch the virus within seconds if I'm not wearing a mask and two pairs of gloves. In short, I want to be able to do things again and not feel so panicky in general.
I have a support system, of course, but I don't want to burden any of them with my troubles cause they don't understand even though they try. And the one person who does understand lives really far away with a life of her own and I feel guilty for needing her so much. I just want to not be so forgettable cause everyone leaves eventually even when they swear they won't and I'm tired of it.