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You cant say i dont try

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Natasha1

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Yeah i failed again. I try so hard. But no one appreciates it. No one notices except when they want to have a run-in with me.

Im done with trying. I cant please anyone. Not one person. He doesnt even want the special coming home lunch i was planning on making.

Thats ok. Ill just bury myself in every day tasks. Should make HIM happy at least but alas, there is always something wrong with it in his eyes. Oh right  its not perfect. What was i ever thinking?

I like how last night he did his regular childish stomping the hardwood in the spot where the floor us starting to buckle, sqying angrily, "why did you have to spill milk here?"

Such anger.

Tantrumesque.

I realize he busts his ass at a job he feels trapped in, a job he hates, a job that stresses him out so badly that he feels he has shortened his lifespan. So yeah costing him thousands of dollars to replace the floor sucks and hes not made of money. 

But the almost daily guilt trip?

Really?

So i was upset. Defeated. Went about making my dinner upset. Within 5 minutes hes asking with a perked up voice, Whats wrong?"

Are you effing kidding me????????

His shortened lifespan. Yeah. Well welcome to the club my dear! I have a shortened lifespan too from taking all these stupid pills that

                   (I TAKE JUST FOR YOU!)

so that *your* life is easier.

My auditions arent getting any better. I go in panic mode and it makes my breathing screwed up and then my body tenses up and my voice is affected negatively.

Ill never forget the looks on their faces. 

Lol tonight i get to go to my lesson for the official confirmation that i didnt win a part. 

I guess id better get to cleaning this place up. It will never be clean enough for him.

But you cant say i dont try.

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