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Wannabe

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Natasha1

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The only audition i have ever won was getting into two universities to study the flute. Auditioned for 4. Good old Doug Stewart could always be counted on at the University of Toronto for bring an elitist dick. When Camille (i think it was her) asked him if he wanted me to play "the Hindemith" (crap cant remember if i spelled that composers name right) as it was my other piece...Doug's response? Lol. A disgusted grimace and head shake as if to say oh God no, why would you torture me?

I guess there was the audition for the christian band, but i dont think they had lots of people jumping in there.

I should have seen the signs you know? Not getting into performance program, my experience with Doug the Dick, always being asked in the band to sound like someone else (guess what? Im not someone else)...giving the piano stuff to a non piano person in the band because lol it didnt matter that im a piano teacher...the list could go on. 

My audition today. I guess it was decent. But i am simply not good enough. For anyone and anything.

Im 46. And i finally see. 

Im a stupid wannabe with no talent or skill.

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Natasha, 

If I can digress for a tiny second, I know I take to myself on my own pages pages with sometimes bitter irony and that's a bit of a topic for me lately. I'm not bringing that here, just so you know..

You play the flute, play the piano, sing, maybe more besides and you at least write poetry, all to a high level. You must. No one shit at anything gets critiqued. You also get to the point in as many words as it takes me to get started. If it has never occurred to you, some of us rather like that!

Comparisons are awful but the only 'auditions' I ever won were for gilded cages with no clothes on. I did manage though to graduate in the top 37% of my class. and ... so what. Not a great CV and not really worth idly importing into your space. I say it because remember dangling from that yardarm on my lonely little boat when you and others reminded me of what I was accomplishing.

I really hope that the better voices are the ones you can begin to really hear. Truly,

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I've masqueraded as a "professional" for 33+ years now. I'm an imposter though. I'm as stoopid as your average rock and don't have a mind for much of anything. At one time, I had a little bit of confidence but that is now long gone.

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On 10/21/2019 at 9:04 PM, JD4010 said:

I've masqueraded as a "professional" for 33+ years now. I'm an imposter though. I'm as stoopid as your average rock and don't have a mind for much of anything. At one time, I had a little bit of confidence but that is now long gone.

 

I am imposter syndrome impersonified.

I am constantly afraid people will catch on as to the the fake I truly am.

BTW, you don't give yourself enough credit, @Natasha1. No one is a piano teacher without competance and skill!

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