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Yeah that's me. I will never be good enough for them. Or anyone else for that matter.

I guess maybe i shouldn't say that, as the yoga studio that i give janitorial services to in exchange for free yoga seems to be thrilled wirh my work.

But what good is that if my husband and daughter don't accept who I am?

Ah, right. I totally forgot that i am a bad person. 

This is the crap that sent me back to ED-land. The need to control at least one thing, just one god damned effing thing was achieved. Dare i go back there? 

No. I don't think so. I can't do that again. 

I might though. 

Dinner is in the oven. I bet that will be "wrong" too. It is store bought but i am sure they will find something wrong with it.

Now, here i am, once again withdrawing. Just like i used to. 

At least i am not looking in other places to fill the void. The places i am not supposed to. It is really too bad that i did that at one time in the first place. Now living with that the rest of my life.

I am a horrible person and now it is more obvious than ever.

They are supposed to be the ones who stand by me.

Aren't they?

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You always seem all right to me Natasha!  The other thing is, good on you for trading some cleaning up on your part, for yoga lessons.  That's  a good trade.


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