So in May, after being on Trintillex for a while, I decided to quit anti-depressants.
After some pretty-intense anxiety started springing up; and the Sertraline (Zoloft) I was taking for years wasn't cutting it anymore, I went through a pretty disruptive trail and error of medications and anti-depressants with my doctor.
But when Trintillex wasn't working well for me, I decided enough was enough and I was going to fight through this some other way.
As risky as it was to let things just ride out and return to fighting with depression, things have worked out. I am now the most productive I've been since last July. Both with work and my personal life.
I feel healthier, thoughtful, and more present in everyday things. I actually feel about the same as I did when I was steady with Setraline. This leads me to believe that it may not have been helping me or effectively making much of difference those years.
I still have recurring depressive thoughts, but I am able to pull myself out of them. It is as if this journey has made me more familiar with my thoughts and given me the power to confront them.
I don't know for sure if another big bout of depression will come on, but I think I can work through it... and maybe I don't have to do it alone. I've been considering therapy.
If it isn't a chemical imbalance medication can fix, maybe there something that can be addressed from my past, my fears, or my behavior.