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Hard Days

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I've got an illness, and sometimes it makes things hard.


I'm always strong, around people. That's the way I'm meant to be, but they get used to it, expect it and rely on it, and dump more on me because that's just the way it works for them.

That's fine, I like the illusion that I matter in this world, and that I can help in some small way.


But the weight is heavy, and I'm already not doing very well.



I've got to be honest, the only plan I have for tonight is pretty dark.

I was tempted to go to the hospital, but I don't have any money, so what good is that. Dumb idea.

I've got a good plan for the next five weeks. I think I can change things, I think I can make things happen. I think I can change my life in big ways. I just need to hold on.



But ultimately, does it matter?




**** it.


I'll do work. I'll get things done, we'll re-assess in a few weeks.


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