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Update; depression and anxiety; love; an old friend long lost

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I have some scary news. Sort-of. Well, if you have read my other blog posts, I think I mentioned I have a spine condition that … well.. has no cure.

I had surgery on my Lumbar Spine (lower back) to fuse the bone on two levels. I have titanium rods and screws in it.

The scary news is that my neck has been giving me trouble lately. I've already got a pinched nerve which causes my entire right arm to go numb and tingly if I do not take my medication for it. Well, I'll soon be gone with that medication.

I have to have surgery on my Cervical Spine (neck). The scary part is - I had an MRI done on my neck back in 2017. It showed pretty gruesome results. I have Degenerative Disc Disease in every single disc in my neck. I just have a feeling that the MRI I am to get in a few months will show even more gross results.

I'm scared of how many levels my doc will have to fuse. And if I'll ever be able to turn my neck again.

The surgery is set for next Spring.


Depression and Anxiety:

I've had depression and anxiety a bit lately. I can find that joy every once in a while. One day, I'll catch that joy and never let it go. But for now... it is what it is.

Anxiety I get from even needing to take my dog out to potty. Even leaving the house to go to the grocery store. Even getting on social media.

But I'm overcoming it a bit. I face it afraid. I'm shaking in my booties but I go out anyway. I sign on anyway.

It's scary. But I have to overcome this.



Why is it so hard for me to find a girlfriend? I'm about 35 years old and I've only had 2 girlfriends. One online, and one in real life, but it only lasted about 2 weeks. What's wrong with me? Everyone keeps telling me that if I love myself first, then others will be able to love me. I'm trying to love myself. But still, no one likes me.

I cannot find a girlfriend in real life or online. I feel hopeless and doomed to be alone, even until the day I die. :( I know I'm not that good looking. But I've seen worse. Yes, I've seen better, but definitely I'm not that bad. C'mon!


An old friend long lost:

I had a friend on Facebook a long time ago, about 2 years ago I think, and he said he was going to travel but be back in 4 days, and he's not been back since. I've looked online to find him and I did, but I'm not sure if he'll be able to come back or not. He's gotten into some trouble because something of his past. But he was a great friend and we got along so great; I felt like he was the only one who really listened to me and understood me. He told me I was a great friend to him too - which I don't hear often.
I want him to come back. I want to let him know that no matter what his past is, I'll still be his friend no matter what.
I miss him.

Okay well, that's all for now. I'm sorry I've been absent so long. I've taken a big break away from the internet. I've been writing on my books. I've got 25 published of a series, plus about 10 or so others of compilation books. Well, not exactly 10. Maybe 6 or 7.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I love you guys. Take care.


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