I haven’t said anything in a while because for once I feel alive. I’m so grateful to just ‘feel’ again that I want to cry with joy all the time. I can’t tell you whats happened. Maybe just a couple of good exams. But that flick has been switched from total self destruction to digging myself out of this hole I’ve created.
It was never about having the energy or having the means to do it. It was the motivation I was lacking in. Whats the point trying when you feel so useless. You might be able to ‘try’ for a couple of days but then what ? nothing, nothing changes and you’re left feeling even more useless.
I guess my point is I don’t feel like that anymore. Is this the end ? nope. I’m sure the dark cloud will come back to haunt me again at some point. But if it’s any incentive, THIS FEELING I HAVE RIGHT NOW IS SO WORTH IT. haha I might just cry again. I’ll try not to.