So, it has been a long time.. since 2017 I guess I had not been on this site.. crazy to think such when I was on here all the time at one point and made some pretty solid friends..
but I guess I should recap and getting into why I left.. what has been going on since I left etc..
Well, I started coming on the site because I was in therapy with a resident I had been assigned to, I had depression and really bad anxiety/ panic attacks from past trauma..I came here to share my feelings and feel less alone when my then therapist Lawrence was leaving.. I found a great support system on here.. I was really grateful.. but then I heard stories from other people who were in similar situation to mine.. having a good therapist having them move on and then following that therapist to that next post.. I guess you could say I was jealous.. and I felt awful about it.. I felt like something was wrong with me.. why couldn't I see Lawrence? what exactly was stopping this? he must have hated me.. I was wrong.. I see that now.. while I don't know the exact reasoning.. I feel like in the end it was for the best.. I started seeing Taylor another resident.. but as much as I liked her I kept my guard up.. our last session together is in a few weeks and I feel indifferent.. she and I achieved good work but, I knew if I let her in I would be hurt again.. I failed in finding a more permanent clinic.. I didn't try hard enough to look.. I don't like change.. I have been going to this clinic for years now.. but I am ready to move on.. tomorrow I start making calls to find a new clinic..
so much has changed in my life.. I have new job as a caregiver for an elderly patient.. I am not yet stable in terms of living arrangement but, working on it.. looking forward to talking to you guys again..