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Really?

Depressedgurl007

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Some say I’m doing good, keep going at it. But am I, really? Do you think I want to keep going at it as if it’s something fun? I do want to leave this forsaken world, you know. I’m only here cos I DON’T have a CHOICE. Or maybe I’m here cos somewhere deep down inside me there is still that small tiny hope that things will get better. But come on, it WON’T. Life is an endless series of problem. The solution of one problem is merely the creation of the next one. People who can actually die are so much more blessed. It’s the people still alive who are suffering. Hope or wish as much as we want for a life without problems but it will NEVER happen. There’s no such thing. Do you wanna say I’m in denial? I’m having the victim mentality? Or that I care too much? Why do I care so much? Why do I want to be accepted so much? Why do I want to be heard so much? Why do I want to be part of something? They are all people anyway. People I loathe because they do things that irritate and annoy me. And they are EVERYWHERE. People who are not understanding, who are biased, racist, not kind, not accepting, and who only care about themselves. But yet I still care to be heard, I still want people, my colleagues, my friends, my family who is suppose to love, I still want them to understand me, and it’s eating me alive, making me feel betrayed and a failure. I hate it. I hate being sick. Have I not tried? Oh they don’t care. Of course they don’t care. They only care about themselves. Then I’ll do whatever I want. Why should I care if they don’t. And that’s why I hate myself. Cos now it’s as if I’m ENTITLED to be heard and to be pitied. I’m a terrible human being 😞 


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