What am I to do?
I have given everything.
I have done everything I can, and more.
I am extremely tired. I am extremely depressed. I am usually this way.
I wonder if I am stupid, if all of my ideas and choices are wrong, and that's why things are this way - This is incorrect, and there's no reasonable argument for that. But the feeling persists.
I wonder if I am inherently a bad person, and just don't see what I am doing that is so evil and disgusting that the world hates me so passionately. - This... I don't know, I have done everything I can for so many people for so many years. There is a point where I have to stop and ask what is there left to give? I have been trying to prove to myself that I am a good man, and I don't know what there is left to do... but I feel hated by strangers. I know I am loved by a few people, and for that I am enormously grateful. But I also feel hated by everyone who doesn't know me; it has always felt like there is a mark on my face that indicates I am the devil himself, and that there is absolute justification to despise, and inflict harm upon me. I don't know what to do about that, but it is a feeling that has so far lasted for my lifetime.