I can never seem to quite manage the endings when I post these blogs. I feel bad about that, actually. Like, here you are zipping along the highway, and boom! the road is out and there wasn't even a sign to warn you. I hate it when that happens. Sometimes I get a proper ending in there, but most of the time I feel like I just leave it hanging, sort of unfinished. Sometimes I just run out of things to say, and I don't know how to wrap it up, so rather than stressing over an ending I just leave it.
I have to say though that I'm actually feeling a lot better today than I have since Saturday. Yesterday was almost normal, whatever that is. Today I almost feel like I might be able to cope with things - if I'm very careful about where I let my mind go. Does anyone else do that? It takes quite a lot of mental self control to contain my thoughts to things that don't exacerbate the anxiety. When they do pop up, I've taught myself to focus on other things. Turns out, this is actually A Thing That Is Recommended by Those Who Know Better. I found an app that's been great, if you struggle with anxiety you might give it a try. I've been trying different mood tracking apps lately, trying to narrow down what my anxiety triggers are (another Thing That Is Recommended by Those Who Know Better). It's called 'Moodpath-Depression & Anxiety Test'. I have an Android, so I found in the Google App Store. It's a free app. It has questions it asks you three times a day, and it also has this little series of mental health tips/classes that you can click through. It's been very informative so far. I screenshot some points that really grabbed me, told me things I hadn't realized, and some that confirmed what had already been working for me.
To preface, anxiety leads me to circular thoughts - apparently more commonly called rumination. I discovered that thinking about why something had happened is not constructive. I don't think I got a screenshot of that part, but I should have. That was a major revelation to me. Trying to understand why something has already happens causes you to look back, and this creates feelings of helplessness. It is 'constructive' to think of questions that look forward - after all, we cannot change the past (unless you have a time machine I don't know about...)
A new realization and new tip for moving forward (still trying to implement this one):
Something that I've used in the past because it works for me - nice to have it confirmed by the Powers That Be. IE, walking and listening to music as a way to manage my anxiety. Getting up and changing the scenery.
So, here we come to the point in time where I have to go to work. Sigh. Another day, another dollar. I'll try to post more about this in the future.