I just watched a Louis Theroux episode called 'Edge of life'.
It showed hospital patients who were on the verge of death, and it showed them and their loved ones having to swallow the death sentences that had been given to them. A particular guy moved me to tears. His name is Langston and he was in his early 20s.
Langston had overdosed on heroin which caused severe brain damage and ended him in a coma.
The hospital called in a Neurologist to examine his brain scans. Langstons prognosis was that he would never wake up from the coma. His brain was too damaged from lack of oxygen to ever function again.
They told his family that he would never recover, never be able to respond, eat, breath voluntarily, and would remain in a vegetated state.
The experts advised that Langston should be taken off of life support after 5 days of being non-responsive.
(They say if theres no improvement within the first few days, then it's most likely the patient won't improve at all)
Despite the experts knowledge on Langstons condition, the family were adamant that Langston would recover to full health.
And so, a few weeks later (when it was almost definitely confirmed that Langston was dead) - Langston woke up.
He opened his eyes, looked at his sister and for the first time was actually seeing her.
Nurse - 'Langston, who is this" (pointing at his sister)
Langston - (turning his head in that direction) 'my sister"
A few months had passed with Langston undergoing some intense physiotherapy.
And the at the end of the episode was a clip of Langston, confidently walking back into the hospital where he was told he was going to die.
Just as his family said - he was fully recovered.
His recovery was 1 in a million. Absolutely unheard of in the medical world.
It moved me.
I couldn't help but think of myself in that position, and the things that I want to accomplish before then.
I've never been the kind of girl to be ok with 50% effort. I'm either all or nothing.
And I don't want to die with any regrets of not having done enough or not having tried enough.
'Cause by the time you're at that point in life, you stop caring what other people think of you, you stop worrying about their judgement.
Yet throughout life, fear is a constant factor that stops you from stepping out of your comfort zone, from voicing your opinion, or standing out from the crowd in any way.
I'm not saying I want to be different to everyone else out there.
I just want to be comfortable being me,
to stop worrying about whether people will accept me or not. those people won't matter to me when i'm on my death bed.
You have to live life as you want, not let fear control you or stop you from going further.
Personally, i know that I need to become a vet before I die. I'm scared of being inadequate to all the other vet applicants. I'm scared of embarrassing myself, i'm scared of failure.
But, if i stop pursuing my dream because i'm scared that i'm not good enough, i'll end up spending the rest of my life believing that i'm not good enough.
Hang in there.
Never stop believing in yourself, no matter how much the odds are stacked up against you.
Because, you will only fail when you decide to give up on yourself.