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I want to be content when I die

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I just watched a Louis Theroux episode called 'Edge of life'. 

It showed hospital patients who were on the verge of death, and it showed them and their loved ones having to swallow the death sentences that had been given to them. A particular guy moved me to tears. His name is Langston and he was in his early 20s.

Langston had overdosed on heroin which caused severe brain damage and ended him in a coma.

The hospital called in a Neurologist to examine his brain scans. Langstons prognosis was that he would never wake up from the coma. His brain was too damaged from lack of oxygen to ever function again.

They told his family that he would never recover, never be able to respond, eat, breath voluntarily,  and would remain in a vegetated state. 

The experts advised that Langston should be taken off of life support after 5 days of being non-responsive. 

(They say if theres no improvement within the first few days, then it's most likely the patient won't improve at all)

Despite the experts knowledge on Langstons condition, the family were adamant that Langston would recover to full health. 

And so, a few weeks later (when it was almost definitely confirmed that Langston was dead)  - Langston woke up.

He opened his eyes, looked at his sister  and for the first time was actually seeing her.

Nurse - 'Langston, who is this" (pointing at his sister)

Langston - (turning his head in that direction) 'my sister"


A few months had passed with Langston undergoing some intense physiotherapy.

And the at the end of the episode was a clip of Langston, confidently walking back into the hospital where he was told he was going to die.

Just as his family said - he was fully recovered.

His recovery was 1 in a million. Absolutely unheard of in the medical world.

It moved me.

I couldn't help but think of myself in that position, and the things that I want to accomplish before then.

I've never been the kind of girl to be ok with 50% effort. I'm either all or nothing. 

And I don't want to die with any regrets of not having done enough or not having tried enough.

'Cause by the time you're at that point in life, you stop caring what other people think of you, you stop worrying about their judgement. 

Yet throughout life, fear is a constant factor that stops you from stepping out of your comfort zone, from voicing your opinion, or standing out from the crowd in any way.

I'm not saying I want to be different to everyone else out there. 

I just want to be comfortable being me,

to stop worrying about whether people will accept me or not. those people won't matter to me when i'm on my death bed.

You have to live life as you want, not let fear control you or stop you from going further. 

Personally, i know that I need to become a vet before I die. I'm scared of being inadequate to all the other vet applicants. I'm scared of embarrassing myself, i'm scared of failure. 

But, if i stop pursuing my dream because i'm scared that i'm not good enough,  i'll end up spending the rest of my life believing that i'm not good enough.


Hang in there.

Never stop believing in yourself, no matter how much the odds are stacked up against you.

Because, you will only fail when you decide to give up on yourself. 




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That's an inspiring story, thank you for sharing it and also your reaction to it. That's a wonderful take-away 


Yet throughout life, fear is a constant factor that stops you from stepping out of your comfort zone, from voicing your opinion, or standing out from the crowd in any way.

I agree. At some point in life, our focus shifts from kicking in the doors that limit access to what we want and on to protecting what we already have. Certainly, this applies to material things like property, income, savings and to that which we cherish, like our children or family. I think it also applies to misery. There's a comfort in that, as well. Whatever is familiar to us, our brains will write in heavy ink so it often becomes harder to make dramatic changes later in life. 

It requires a little self-compassion once we realize how difficult it is to rewire how we think and the habits we've formed, most of us are biologically at a disadvantage in doing so once we're adults and it's made more arduous by mental illness. Yet, inspiration is always a great motivator if our hearts are open to it - as yours clearly is.

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Thanks, I was hoping that this story would inspire people, it inspired me when I watched it and put everything into perspective. I think the point that I was trying to make was that the little things which may seem important to us right now like getting good grades, a job and also material things that we've been conditioned to feel we need, will not be important to us in the long run. 

We often neglect the things in life that are most important to us, and focus too much of our energy onto the little things that that are insignificant - like money, clothes, holidays. All those things are nice of course, but it's good to focus your attention on the things that are closest to your heart like friends, family and passion. Those are the things that really make your life richer, and we should be forever grateful to the people that make our lives just a bit better. 

So although your life situation may not be perfect in the present moment, there is always something or someone to be grateful for.

For me this past year I've felt as though i've lost everything - I lost my place in uni, I've lost all my friends who have gone off to uni in a different city, I've lost half my family over an argument, and i've dropped out of school - basically cutting me off from any social interaction. 

For a while I was so focused on all of these aspects of my life that had gone wrong, and it was preventing me from getting better. Through therapy I changed my perspective to look for the positives - like my loving parents, my nan, and my therapist who were by my side throughout it all.

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