Why do we get so sad when we go back to our childhood haunts? Do we grow sad because we were so much happier as kids, more carefree and less stressed? Is it because we've lost the capacity to view a world with infinite possibilities? I often wonder why this phenomenon occurs. My youngest recently told me she reconnected with some family members and found out some things we didn't know. She said it made her sad and angry that she had missed out on so many years with that part of her family. I told her we can't live like that, looking behind and wondering about that different life we didn't have. But the feeling is so universal. Last year I went home, and we drove by a park my mother took me to as a child. I asked her to stop, and we walked around the park for about an hour, talking. I cried when we left. Although going there was happy, it was sad too. I remember being so happy on those Saturday mornings when my mommy didn't have to drop me off at the nursery and instead could take me to the park to play. Saturday In The Park was a popular song at the time, and is still a song that yanks my heartstrings every time I hear it. I wonder at the randomness of it all...the people we chose, the people we didn't, the actions we chose, the paths...and those we didn't. Would my life have been better? Worse? Who knows?
Today after my headache lets go (it is releasing its grip now that I took a couple aspirin) I will take my pups to the park and not look back at the what ifs. I will be grateful for what has gone right, and not be saddened by what has gone wrong. I will sing that song in my head and thank God for everything I have, and for everything I don't. I may cry - as I am already doing - That is the only way for us to move forward and find some more happiness on our journies, however it may come.