Alcohol helps to remove the stress, the bra, the panties and many other problems.
That's basically my yesterday night. Unfortunately alcohol also creates new problems. I don't drink often but when I do, things get ugly. I have been avoiding this issue long time but after last night it's time to do some inner searching and face the fact - I have a problem with alcohol.
Let me tell you how it started. It started the moment I hit 18 and alcohol and nightclubs became accessible. I was troubled and suffered from severe depression so I started to drink to get away from my problems. When I dropped high school for my depression and got a job in a restaurant I drank easily five days a week (I think people in restaurant business drink a lot anyway).
I always drank too much, didn't understand my limits and took unnecessary risks. Then came the panic attacks. More than often I was paralysed by a panic attack at the restroom floor. I've got so many ambulance rides I can't keep track. Also the police became familiar with me and I was 18 years old when I was taken to lockup. I was 19 when I spend the night in hospital because I tried to jump off a building. Drunk of course.
I know I have written about this before but this time I am really serious about understading this pattern of behaviour. I am not 18 anymore. I am 34 years old and not a bit wiser about alcohol. Last night, three bottles of wine later, I fell face first on the floor. Yeah I know... Wtf where were my hands?! My body has bruises all over and my face ain't pretty. I also left half of my clothes (including panties) to a girl's whose bed I was in and I don't know how I made it to the home.
I feel embarrased but maybe this had to happen in order to make me see this is not okay. I am not making any promises to stay sober. I probably couldn't keep it anyway. But I will really give it a thought and try to maintain sober life as long as I can before I ruin my marriage or jump off a building.