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Welcome sober life

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Alcohol helps to remove the stress, the bra, the panties and many other problems. 

That's basically my yesterday night. Unfortunately alcohol also creates new problems. I don't drink often but when I do, things get ugly. I have been avoiding  this issue long time but after last night it's time to do some inner searching and face the fact - I have a problem with alcohol. 

Let me tell you how it started. It started the moment I hit 18 and alcohol and nightclubs became accessible. I was troubled and suffered from severe depression so I started to drink to get away from my problems. When I dropped high school for my depression and got a job in a restaurant I drank easily five days a week (I think people in restaurant business drink a lot anyway). 

I always drank too much, didn't understand my limits and took unnecessary risks. Then came the panic attacks. More than often I was paralysed by a panic attack at the restroom floor. I've got so many ambulance rides I can't keep track. Also the police became familiar with me and I was 18 years old when I was taken to lockup. I was 19 when I spend the night in hospital because I tried to jump off a building. Drunk of course. 

I know I have written about this before but this time I am really serious about understading this pattern of behaviour. I am not 18 anymore. I am 34 years old and not a bit wiser about alcohol. Last night, three bottles of wine later, I fell face first on the floor. Yeah I know... Wtf where were my hands?! My body has bruises all over and my face ain't pretty. I also left half of my clothes (including panties) to a girl's whose bed I was in and I don't know how I made it to the home. 

I feel embarrased but maybe this had to happen in order to make me see this is not okay. I am not making any promises to stay sober. I probably couldn't keep it anyway. But I will really give it a thought and try to maintain sober life as long as I can before I ruin my marriage or jump off a building. 

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I really hope that you do well on your Journey of Sobriety. 

I'm not going to lie, some days are ridiculously tough. I've had days where for the whole day at work I have fantasised about that first pint. I had to take myself somewhere else until that feeling went away (couple of hours on a punch bag) 

What has worked for me so far is to set small achievable goals, take it one day at a time.

At the start I found AA meetings helped, for me at least. I feel less stressed and therefor do not want that oblivion so bad when i can explain feelings. 

If you have a drink, it's not a problem. It's a slip up, they happen. Just try and not let it overcloud your victories.

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Add me to the list of people who have "issues with alcohol". I discovered booze at age 18 and never looked back. I drank one helluva lot in my younger days. I moderated somewhat after marriage and especially when my daughter came along, but as my marriage sank further into misery, I began drinking again in earnest. I kept it up after the divorce, too.

I stopped altogether last April. I was 58 years old. I've been sober almost a year now. I still get urges from time to time but I remind myself of how horrible I felt when I was hungover.

Hey, join us in the substance abuse forum here on DF if you want!

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