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Feeling..... How?

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20YearsandCounting

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I don't know how I'm feeling this morning.  Anxious, which is fairly normal. I am learning that the majority of my anxiety comes from working with one particular person, who is relentlessly critical. If this criticism were in support of high standards, I would find a way to embrace it, because trying to achieve higher standards helps us grow and learn and expand our abilities.  But this relentless criticism has always been about exercising control over others.  I don't know if that distinction  makes sense to anyone but me.  Criticism that seeks to control is not based in any system of standards that makes any sense - it is based in that person's inability to cope with their negative emotions.  I continually walk on eggshells around this person, especially when they are having difficulty or conflict in their home life.  When they are having difficulty in their home life, nothing and no one is safe from criticism.  They even gripe and criticize in front of customers, and this is greatly frowned upon where I work at.  Most of the time, my life at work is a literal exhibition of the song from Frozen, part of which goes 'conceal, don't feel...'   And I don't have to tell you how unhealthy that is.  This person is a constant source of criticism, ridicule, and complaint.  And they do not even hear themselves - they actually consider themselves very open minded if you can believe that.  Yet anything or anyone who does not agree with or measure up to their standards is roundly and thoroughly and mercilessly criticized and made fun of.  Openly, in front of everyone.  I'm not really sure about the mental gymnastics it takes to be so constantly critical and yet still think you are a tolerant individual.  Conversely, they absolutely cannot handle any form of criticism of their own ideas or thoughts or actions. Anything less than enthusiasm and acceptance is met with anger;  if you try to bring up difficulty or how they have hurt you, the response is a blank stare, followed by derisive laughter and comments to the tune of 'you can't just make stuff up'.  So having a straightforward convo about issues is virtually impossible with this person, yet they think they think they are great at facilitating communication.  I could go on and on but I need to stop now.  'Conceal, don't feel', put on my game face... Sadly my personality is much like a lightning rod.  So you can imagine how fun that makes it sometimes.  If there were factory jobs available I would walk off today.  But I'm the breadwinner, so endure I will.  I hope. 

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I'm sorry you have to put up with this, at the end of the day work is where we spend the majority of our lives so it makes things so much worse if you're not happy or comfortable. 

I don't have any suggestions to add, just wanted you to know i feel for you

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