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Tell no one

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I have been a day patient this week. I was a day patient before last summer but I didn't feel it as helpful as I did this time. Also my mood has been different from the situation last summer. 

As you already know, my mood has been good and I feel like Lithium is really making a difference this time. I wrote before that someday I'll be Saturday night. I didn't expect to be Saturday night  so soon. My mood has changed dramatically. 

Today was supposed to be my last day at the hospital but I got two extra days, Monday and Tuesday. The thing is that my mood is too good. A doctor think this is hypomania (I know it is) so I have to come back next week. Also a little change on medication was done. 

These kind of mood swings are so consuming. I feel great now but mania takes it's toll. I am having fun now but I will eventually come crashing down like every time. 

I am lucky I know my illness so well. I know my warning signs and there have been warning signs several days now. Still I didn't expect this to happen. I've learned to recognize my hypomania/mania. I can't control it but I recognize it so I get medical attention before things get out of hands. 

My girls are going away for the weekend with an aunt. I was looking forward the weekend to relax at home but with this current situation anything can happen. I try not to provoke this situation, keep safe and sane. I feel super but I have to try to keep it in my mind that this is an illness. I've made terrible mistakes in my past due this illness so I want to avoid any excessive behaviour like buying a car or sending n u d e photos over Internet (I've done both). 

I am confident about my ability to keep this together. And I have to keep it together, after all I have to live with this mood disorder the rest of my life. 

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