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Really Hope This Works....

20YearsandCounting

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[I've had problems with posting in my other blog, so I really hope this works.]

I retitled my blog for Karl Urban. I'm hunting down all the TV series and movies I can find where he is a primary actor. 

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Am I the only one who uses an obsession with a famous actor to manage their anxiety?  I've tried all that 'yoga/soft music/relaxing sounds' shit.  And I'm sorry, but my anxiety fucking SCREAMS AT THE TOP OF ITS BLOODY LUNGS!!!!  I can't even hear that 'relaxing sounds' stuff - I get lost in my thoughts too easily anyway, and I am infamous for losing track of my surroundings too easily.  So that 'relaxing' stuff just fades out, drowned by the intensity of my anxious thoughts.  I need something that can cut through my thoughts and make me focus on it.  Metal music is good for that.  For me, at least.  But then, metal music tends to relax me because what the hell, I'm weirdly wired that way.  It's hard to get stuck in your own head when someone's screaming in your ear, LOL.  You'd think it would ramp me up, but it doesn't.  It helps me break the thought cycle - I get stuck in the same thought/same scenario over and over again, repeating ad nauseum.  I need something equally intense to counteract that. 

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Sometimes its metal music.  Sometimes, it's Misha Collins or Karl Urban. 

There are other celebrities I like - but I get too tied up in the characters they play.  Martin Freeman is a damn good example.  It's hard for me to watch his movies, because I over-identifying with his character. It's getting to be the same way with Misha Collins and Castiel - I can identify very deeply with Castiel's character, so it gets difficult for me to watch storylines that put him through figurative, or literal, hell. Because I over-identify with him. 

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