My therapist assures me that this is life: a series of ups and downs, interspersed with periods of boring plateaus. Some highs are higher than others; some lows are worse. The trick is to remember who you are through all of it.
Today was bizarrely much like yesterday. Things started off poorly. My job, normally a place of solace, was nothing but one contention after another. Right off the bat I got in trouble for doing something I do every other day. Apparently an email had gone out early this morning notifying us of a situation we were to avoid. So guess who wasn't included on the email? Right. So instead of checking to see if I was copied, everyone assumed I just chose to ignore the directive. I was indignant! I just started this job, WHY would I suddenly just do a thing I was told not to do?
That was just the first thing. About 20 minutes later, it happened again. And just like that, I'm in trouble again for something I WAS NEVER TOLD ABOUT. At this point I'm shaking. I just turned my computer off and bowed my head to pray.
Then came the coup de grâce. Someone I've never even met chastised me for not getting something right in August. Copied both of my superiors.
I was hired in September.
Christ, I was just beside myself with incredulity. This is Punk'd, right? You cannot tell me that my dream job went to hell in one morning, and everyone's on board? I mean, I get it. People are human, everyone makes mistakes. But today was like being flogged by all staff, in the conference room, because someone in Greenland didn't go to work. Nothing was making any damned sense!
However, I knew that if I acted out of emotion at that moment, my weird dream from the other night would come true and I really would be flipping people off and quitting. And I love my job. So I prayed and kept my mouth shut for pretty much the remainder of the day, and did what I could to remain productive after everything that had happened. I reminded myself that everything had gone swimmingly up 'til now, and I was the same employee today as I had been all the months prior.
While I was vindicated in bits and pieces, being the scapegoat for others' idiocy took its toll on me. And not everyone has apologized. By the end of my work day, I was seriously considering getting a waitressing job closer to home. Sure it's an 80% cut in pay, but at least...at least...nothing.
It would be the same at any job. Doesn't matter where you work or what you do or how much you earn. There's gonna be sh*tstorms from time to time and the trick is to remember who you are through all of it. Who I am is a person with integrity, intelligence, a sliver of faith and enough sense to bow down while the tornado of stupid passes, instead of getting sucked up in it.
Then, the rest of my evening was directed by angels. I received pleasant surprises from all angles; good news, a new friend, old friends checking in on me, even an actual Valentine in the mail!
So I take heart in the day's events. Things went wrong today. Lots of things. Absolutely nothing I did could have changed that. I caused none of it, yet things still went dreadfully wrong. I could have made those wrong things wronger by reacting badly.
But also, and arguably in greater measure, things went right. The things that went right were spectacular! Did God reward me for graceful behavior? I'm not really sure of anything He does. All I am is grateful He helped me today when I asked, and that He gave me pause to remember who I really am.