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Today is a No

Tearz

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I'm not going to church today.

I had horrible, vivid dreams all night. I clearly remember two.

In the first, I was driving my mother's car; I was groggy, apparently under the influence of some substance, and when I tried to step on the brakes, nothing happened. The first accident was more of an incident, I went careening through an intersection, miraculously missing other cars, and ended up facing oncoming traffic on the other side of the road. Disaster averted. But then I got back in the car and promptly wrecked into a man's garage, almost pinning him between my vehicle and his. I didn't take his life but certainly did his garage's. Weirdly, he wasn't that angry, in fact I think I remember him forgiving me. His forgiveness was small compensation though, as I realized I would soon be arrested and jailed.

In another dream, I stopped showing up for work, so my boss pulled me into his office to fire me. In a fit of rage, I screamed at him to go eff himself and the whole staff, then flipped him off with both hands. 

The strangest thing about both dreams was that they weren't dreamlike at all. They felt as if they had actually happened, so I woke up feeling very confused, wondering if I had actually done those things.

From a logical standpoint, it's easy to see where my subconscious thoughts came from. From an emotional standpoint, the feelings I woke up with are still raw and scary, and unbearably heavy. I cannot face anyone in my current state. 

I'm not going to church today.



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Yeah those vivid dreams can seem so real and leave a lasting impression for the rest of the day.  I used to try to make sense of my dreams, write them down, and study them.  But now I don't know what to make out of them anymore.  Hope you have some happy dreams tonight! 🙂  

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