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I've been gone for a while because I was trying to sort out a problem that I recently had. I had obviously made a mistake, or I call it that. I'm afraid to tell what it is because I don't want people thinking the wrong things about me. But.. well, I had to see my psych doc on the 28th of January. He has me prescribed Cymbalta, Lorazepam, and he used to have me on Invega, but I had a seizure, so I quit taking it for the rest of last month. So, I wasn't on my antipsychotic med. I went about 2 1/2 weeks without it, without anything to stop the psychosis. Anyway, on Sunday the 27th, I was WIDE awake, and it was midnight, and I HAD to get sleep to make it for my 10:30am appointment with my psych doc. I searched everywhere for my Melatonin, because that's what I use to help me sleep. I couldn't find it anywhere. So, I had quite a few pills left over from previous prescriptions that my psych doc had written for me years ago. I thought it wouldn't hurt to take on of them to help me sleep so I could function the next day.

Boy did I get in trouble for that. Lo and behold, they gave me a urine test on the 28th. I only took 0.5mg of Klonopin. I had been prescribed that years ago but still had some left. I was actually saving it for in case the world gets more chaotic and I'd eventually need them, just in case of some sort of apocalyptic type event, ya know? Better safe than sorry. Well, I'm sorry now. He b*tched me out about taking it, because it shows up on the "KASPER" report (In Kentucky, of all places, I hate it here worse than anything) (Kasper, the Unholy Ghost). He said it made it look sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad on me. Thankfully he left some notes about it just being a desperate attempt to get to sleep so I could function the next day.

I got so upset about it that I harmed myself twice when I got home, and I flushed ALL my emergency medications down the toilet. After this, I had nightmares galore, so much stress, I couldn't think of anything except how BAD my doc said it was. I agree I shouldn't have taken it. I should have forced myself to get out at midnight to get sleep meds at the store.

I felt I could do nothing right, and I'm just now barely able to keep it out of my mind. I've always been sensitive and been so concerned about what people think of me. I'm working on changing that. I've not made it yet, but I'm working on it.

Also, he ended up giving me a few samples of pills called Rexulti I think it's called. It works pretty decent, IMO. Reminds me of Risperdal. But I can't take Risperdal anymore because it gave me gynecomastia.

I just hope this one continues to work. I bet if I'd have been on an antipsychotic med all month, I"d have been able to think more clear and wouldn't have made the mistake of taking a previous prescription.

So anyway, that's why i've been gone. I'm embarrassed that I'm writing this, but they've wh*red around my "Kasper the unholy ghost report" that it wouldn't surprise me if everyone in the whole state knows what I done.

One little thing. One little mistake, and the put it on a permanent record for you. Reminds me of that social credit system in China.

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Welcome back. So sorry to hear you in distress about the reporting incident. It doesn't sound like a catastrophe and I hope you won't let intrusive thoughts magnify it into one. 

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On ‎2‎/‎11‎/‎2019 at 1:26 AM, Atra said:

Welcome back. So sorry to hear you in distress about the reporting incident. It doesn't sound like a catastrophe and I hope you won't let intrusive thoughts magnify it into one. 

Thank you :)

Ahh, I did let it get to me the first week. But after that, I noticed I was being given messages on how to let it all go and not focus on the problem, but focus on my comeback and how I can be stronger.. as with every issue that I may face.

I appreciate you reading all this. :) It makes me feel comforted knowing someone read it. :)

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