This is going to be long. Both my fiance and I are having a rough time right now. Together, we are doing great and are strong, so that's not an issue. But we are both facing enormous and mounting work stress. His job is now 100% commission and his checks have significantly dwindled lately, to no fault of his own but due to dysfunction within the company. He is beyond stressed about the dwindling income, naturally, which makes things harder for us financially. I am very stressed about my own job because my plate is overfull with clients and due to the structure of our work. I won't get into the details, but it's far too much, and this week I spoke with HR, the CEO and my boss about it in a meeting that was called because of the issue I was having.
Now I don't know if there will be negative repercussions from that meeting, which worries me a bit. Beforehand, HR told me that the CEO respects me. I am the most senior person in my group and department, I am doing great according to my boss and HR, and when I first arrived, my boss point blank asked me for my input and feedback on how they do things and whether they can be done differently or better. So after learning the ropes, I finally spoke up and gave them my feedback.
When I spoke with HR after this group meeting, it seemed that I may not have gotten my point across in the way I had originally intended and that perhaps I did not express myself in the best way to the CEO about the issue I was having. However, my boss is now working with me on ways to resolve the issues I brought to the table, so at least something positive came out of it. But the writing is on the wall for me there: I have to leave -- bottom line. After seven months, I've decided the place is dysfunctional, it's a high burnout work environment that loses more employees than it hires, and I am no longer happy there. That is OK, but I am VERY eager to get out. Having one foot out the door, or really, both feet, helps me to feel much better about it though. It's just a short-lived pain I have to endure. I know I am a very strong person and that I can handle this, but I need to rely on my coping skills and on some days, I feel I am about to break down and lose it.
Now, on top of our individual work stress, my fiance is also facing massive daily migraines that won't go away, a shoulder injury that has resurfaced, and an unhealed and painful broken toe. He's in immense physical pain and agony every day recently. This has come on suddenly, during the last week or two. He thinks his shoulder injury was exacerbated while shoveling. The migraines he believes are due to his work stress. He is very strong though through this, which I admire about him. He still maintains his sense of humor through the pain, which is absolutely amazing to me. I wouldn't be able to withstand that level of pain and I would be in tears, but he has a much higher threshold than I do. I am pretty blown away by his strength, and I honestly need this right now or else I would completely crumble. I need him to be strong. I cannot shoulder my stress, his stress and his physical pain all by myself.
So today I have decided that I am going to think of all that I have to look forward to that will help me cope with all the stress. We will have a beautiful Valentines Day celebration later this week, I have a paid holiday next Monday the 18th, we have several amazing concerts coming up in March and April, and then in May, we get married and go on vacation for a full week. This is how I cope-- I need fun activities and breaks to look forward to.
And today I will also apply for a job that couldn't be more perfect for me. In fact, it's the exact role I decided I want. So I'm putting my effort into that application, which will also help me to feel better. I think I will aim to apply for a job once a week, if possible.
Also today I am going to put on my most positive attitude and embrace everything that is positive and good. I am completely dreading work tomorrow & this week due to client calls I must hold, but I can get through this, as I have always have. At least my fiance and I have each other, and we keep saying that. As long as we have each other, we can make it. Plus, we have many things to look forward to!!!!
So, on that note, I must wrap up and start my day. Valuable takeaway: when going through rough times, line up and schedule fun activities and breaks for yourself that you can look forward to and which will help ease the stress.