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Adults self-harm too

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Hear me out, I want to talk about something important.

Adults self-harm too. I know it because I am a 34-year-old woman, married and a mother of three and I cut and abuse prescription medicines and other medicines. 

Self-harm is not just teenagers' previlege. It's not just childish attention seeking. People cut for various reasons. Sure some are doing it for attention but also to relieve anxiety, feeling of control, punish themselves or maybe they are hearing voices that tell to do so. 

For me cutting is a symptom of my manic-depressive illness. I am doing it because my brain constantly challenges me to do that. I don't hear voices, it's my own mind that makes me hurt myself. My brain is telling me to cut myself and I rarely can resist because my illness is in a very bad place right now. 

I am at home this weekend. I came on Friday and will go back to ward Sunday evening. Weekend has been very good except for constant battle against my brain. I am proud of myself that I haven't taken any extra pills. Cutting however has been an issue this weekend.

I had promised myself that I would never cut my wrists or arms. This weekend it happened. I cut my wrist. And I cut deeper than before. I know I will have to tell this to a nurse and doctor. And I am so stressed out my family members to see what I have done. They wouldn't understand. To be honest, I am not sure how I will convince the doctor that my brain is making me do this. 

I am also having suicidal thoughts. Self-harm is different and is not related to suicidal thoughts. Just like self-harm thoughts my brain is feeding me ideas of k i l l i n g myself. I know both thoughts will fade away when I get better. 

If you are self-harming, seek for help. I would also like to hear from you if you find any of this familiar. 

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My drinking has also been a form of self harm when I was younger. Still nowadays whenever I drink, I drink too much. 

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I used to self harm too. For me it was more a release type of feeling. I don`t talk a lot about my illness or what it makes me feel so cutting was a way for me to release those feelings. I also used to do it just to feel something when I numb. I stopped self harming maybe 3 years ago. Just know this it is possible to stop. I wish you luck on your journey.

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