Yesterday, oh dear. Yesterday was rough.
Nothing particularly "bad" happened to me, it was just people. People honestly were testing me.
I felt tested all day long, I just could not deal with people. I had to bite down HARD on my rage all day. So much so in fact that this morning I feel like I have been at a MMA Competition. My jaw is aching, honestly like someone scored a perfect left hook.
I'm not really sure how I managed to get through it without snapping and going ballistic on someone. After work I went to my MMA gym and managed a few hours workout on the punch bag and a small (45 minute) sparring session, which worked out a lot of the anger. But sadly not all of it.
I feel really good about my Betta Rescue, usually. Yesterday I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. I am out of space, I cannot physically look after anymore fish otherwise I will be compromising their care. It really isn't hard to google what they need and how to care for them. I did go and take another 3 regardless of this. One of those I had to euthanize when I got him home, he was in such as state. It was for me the hardest but kindest thing to do as he had just too many issues at once. I buried him this morning on a riverbank on my way to work. Had a little Ceremony for him.
A lot of my conversations lately about these and rehoming them is the simplest fixes to cure their issues (most caused by owners/shops not being knowledgeable) such as a heater to keep the temperature steady. Truly a small cost to provide a reasonable level of care. But people don't want to spend more money, or worse, they seem to think I have an affiliation with the local Aquatic Shops. I don't even mind the tiny cups they come in or the small tanks that you can purchase for them (usually called "Beta Palace" or something similar) as long as you can take care of the temperature and water parameters.
Another thing that really annoys me lately is the newspapers, or as I refer to them Mein Kampf with Pictures. I have cancelled my subscription this morning, I can do without the triggers that they provide.
Anyway this morning, honestly I really could not give a single f@ck. First thing that happened today when dealing with a large customer they threatened to complain about me to my boss, to which I said something along the lines of "Oh good, she does so look forwards to them" yeah that went down well. So I have a disciplinary hearing later on today. Oh well. It'll probably go the same way as the others and I'll add another Final Written Warning to my file. 5pm Tomorrow cannot come quick enough, I need a rest.
I also need to reflect a little more on what happened with M the other night. But I am not in the right head space at the moment to do this, things are already difficult and strained between us so I don't want to make it worse because I am having a poor day. I also need to distance myself from Z. I feel like a schoolboy around her, it's not helping. I really do value her friendship, but, I guess like a lot of men I am really struggling as I find her so attractive.
One thing I did do last night, which sometimes helps. Sometimes it makes things worse so I don't do it i often but I updated what I want as my funeral plan.
So I would like a closed casket service. Everything is more or less "Normal" and "acceptable" in the plan apart from the final piece of music. Just before my coffin goes into the flames I want an Organist playing "Pop Goes the Weasel" on a Loop
Probably won't go down well but I love the idea of people staring at the Coffin in horrified anticipation.