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The appointment

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She was allright. The doctor, I mean. I met her for the first time and she totally heard and read me. I wish to stay with her. My doctors have been coming and going after every appointment. 

My thoughts are all over the place right now. The appointment raised so many questions and thoughts. The outcome was slightly different than expected. Good I guess however. 

We talked about ect, medication, hospital and sick leave. 

I was thinking of asking for two or three months sick leave but the doctor thought I need to take a real time-out. So, I got six months of more sick leave. I don't know what to think. I had already planned in my head how things would play out for me. This changes everything. 

The doctor suggested I should be back in a hospital. I was expecting it and hoping for that but I can't make that decision alone. This affects the whole family and I feel like I have to discuss with my husband and kids before making up my mind. The doctor will call me again next week about the decision. I really don't know what to do. 

If I go back to the ward I will get ect and new meds faster. The situation is that bad no changes on medication can be done without a safe environment. So either I wait and suffer or I go to hospital and leave my husband to take care of everything alone. I am afraid if I agree going to the hospital they will keep me weeks there. 

So lot of thinking needs to be done. Maybe making a list of cons and pros or just trusting my instinct. The doctor gave me time till Wednesday. 


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Hi Nhaar,

I'm glad to hear your newest doc seems to be a fit for you.  It sounds like both you and the doc feel that an in-house stay would be a good move for you right now.  You've said that it's urgent that you get a change, and I hope whatever decision you make will get you moving in a positive direction. 

I also get that you're looking for immediate relief right now, and that ECT is what works.  There''s not a lot of new information on the current regimen for ECT.  Aside from atypical loss of memory, usually temporary, there seems to be no alarming incidence of short or long term ill effects.  There are exceptions as you're aware.  I get that urgency is the treatment plan today.  Have you any direction for therapy beyond the repeated ECT?  I wish I could help you there. 

I don't know the rules in your homeland.  In the U.S., in my state anyway, a person who voluntarily checks themselves in, can, in emergencies, check themselves out if they are willing to sign a paper saying they are leaving without the blessing of the attending doctors.  Is it the same there?  I did this once, from a regular hospital, and was glad the option was there. 

Regardless, it's good to know you are making your own moves towards help, and I hope you soon get a break from the ride you've been on for a time.

best, Bulgakov

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Hi Bulgakov, 

Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate that. 

I recieved ECT ten times on December and faced some memory loss and head ache after that. As soon as I recovered from anesthesia I felt much more energetic every time I got the treatment. Also my mood was better and it helped with anxiety and hypomanic symptoms. Even if the effect wouldn't last long, it will help me to proceed with my recovery. 

I believe I've made up my mind and will go to hospital. I can't bear that my kids have to see me like this. 

Here also you can check out from hospital whenever you want. But of course if a doctor won't agree, he or she could make you stay by psychiatric evaluation if you can't understand your own good. 

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