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Tell no one

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January 18

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nhaar

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I am sharing a photo today. I am not expecting 'likes' or comments. If I wanted those I would have shared the photo on Fb or Instagram. But I didn't. 

The reason I wanted to share my picture is that it made me think a lot today about how we control what kind of a picture we want to give other people about our lives. 

You know I haven't been well for a long time. Yesterday was a disaster but today is better. I believe that how you start your day will determine the rest of your day. I should use that more only if I had strenght to do so. 

Anyways, I forced myself to do something I haven't done much lately - to take care of myself. I washed my face, brushed my hair and put on make-up to feel pretty. From the outside I turned to a different person. That got me thinking how deceiving the looks can be. I mean would you have guessed the girl in the picture wrote a s*icide letter yesterday? Would you believe she has scars of selfharm all over her body? That she couldn't get off the bed yesterday and hasn't brushed her teeth for three days? 

If I posted the picture in social media I wouldn't use hastags like #depression #mentalillness #bipolar or #selfharm. No, I would use hastags like #happy #friday #finnishgirl and no-one would ever know the truth. I am grateful for all those people who has courage to work for mental illness awareness. I am not brave. I share pretty picture and fool everybody. That's what I do. 

You can't make assumptions by how a person looks like. We all wear masks and decide how much we show. Some are braver than others. Someone who looks nice outside could be struggling everyday for her/his life. 

How much do you reveal? 

IMG_20190118_113134.jpg

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I reveal different things to different people. The Japanese believe that you have 3 Faces, The First Face you show the world, the Second Face to close friends and family, the 3rd Face you never show anyone.

It is that 3rd Face (our opinion of ourselves) that causes the most pain. At least in the modern world where being Positive, Materialistic and Vapid are character traits that are lauded. 

I don't post on Social Media other then updates on my Pets, and also to find homes for the foster animals that I take in. The rare pictures I have of myself on their is usually because an animal is making a scene (sat on my head, trying to get food, wanting cuddles etc) in very very very rare cases I will post a Mental Health topic (support groups) or a thank you message to the charity whose meeting I attended. This usually gets mixed messages, I get a lot of DM's (that I don't open) and assume is either flaming or designed to annoy me whereas on my post or story I get messages of support (mostly from Females I notice)

Anyway, I hope that you have a good morning again tomorrow

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I like that idea of three faces. It says it's okay to have three faces. No need to feel bad about it. Besides it pretty much how it is. 

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