I'm feeling much better right now. I'm surprised but assume it's only because of a medication I'm on now. I've also been taking the Cymbalta that was changed from Wellbutrin. Wellbutrin is good, but it doesn't take away as much depression as Cymbalta. However, if I would have stayed with it and quit buying cigs, I would have been able to quit smoking. I know it. But I just didn't have the willpower. I know I can still quit. I don't have to have a medication to quit. I just need to be ready to give them up. If I'm not ready, and willing to quit buying them, it won't do any good. Just my thought on that.
It's a new year. It just seems like yesterday that my niece was over and we were celebrating the new year of 2018. But now it's 2019. Wow! Mom, my dog and I celebrated 2019 last night. This is the first year since I was 15 that either my niece or nephew was not over to celebrate with us. Mom and I had a tiny bit of red wine, and I gave my dog a couple of licks of it, though I know it's not really good for her, but just that little bit I don't guess will hurt. Maybe I should have given her milk or sometimes she likes to have a bit of our Pepsi. My dog will be 10 years old in June!
I just noticed a scar on my left hand. I guess the way the light is coming in the window made me to be able to see it. Maybe it was from when I burned myself. It must be, it's a circle. I had forgot about that one. I have so many scars from the past. But I'm glad they are the past. Mental turmoil causes bad scars for me, when I act upon the impulse. But I cannot and will not do it again. That last time WAS exactly that. The last time.
Seeing my numbers again. YAY! I just saw 1:11. I see lots of numbers, usually and am glad to see them again. For a couple of days I didn't see them, and got more depressed... I need to see them for confirmation and reassurance. And The Universe always pulls through for me.
I saw a video recently that I'm glad I saw. It was not something I can really talk about on here, because it was so graphic. But just to say, it's something I will no do to myself. I thought about it before, but I'm glad I saw the video to prove to myself that I'm better than I thought I was, and that doing that does not represent courage, but cowardice. I'm not a fan of blood, and just to say this: What I saw, I'm better than that. I will never try to do that again. I came close, but no. I will never even come close again. That's not me.
I'm burning Egyptian Musk incense. My favorite of all. I bought it at 100 sticks for $5.00 online. I also bought China Musk, Patchouli and Opium (the incense is called Opium, it's not a drug). It was at buy 3 get one free. I couldn't pass it up, at $5.00 per 100 sticks! It smells heavenly. I like to mix them sometimes; I even have Sage, Apple Cinnamon, Lavender, Vanilla and others. I mix only the ones that smell similar. But Sage I can mix with a lot of them. Sage, to me, keeps the negative away.
Okay, this New Year, I will be making changes in my life. Good changes. I've already started with losing 50 pounds last year. By the way, a note to myself, I have the Mind over Matter exercise and diet journal for 2019. I need to begin today filling it out. I don't want it to go to waste. It was $15.00!!
I hope everyone is having a great New Year! Stay positive, hold your head up, throw your shoulders back, walk with confidence. Don't let others get to you. Don't let others bring you down. Be humbly confident! Always remember that though things could be better, they can always be worse. Live PRESENT. Don't let past regrets plague your mind, and do not worry about the future. The future can only be changed by what we do in the NOW, the PRESENT time. Make good choices. If you know it's bad for you, it's best not to do it. Remember you are loved, needed, and wanted. If not by anyone else, than by me, myself. Since I've been here, I've been so welcomed, cared about and liked more than any other forum I've been on. You all are worth a million dollars more than you think. A trillion! I love all of you. When depression or self-sabotaging thoughts come to you, remember that there is someone out there who thinks the world of you. If not by anyone else, than by me, myself.
I love you guys. Have a wonderful New Year!