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A Struggle; Depression

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Jamark8

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I have been trying to quit smoking for a long time now. Mom smokes too and when I quit for 3 days in June, she quit too but it was like living with Satan. Or at least a wrathful God.

Anyway, I've been burning incense hoping that the smell of it will help me to quit. Also I tried meditation but my mom came in my room and jerked the headphones off my head and said "you were sleeping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" This was at 6 or 7 am, and I had just woke up, after having a bad night. But I know I wasn't sleeping.

Mom's getting signs of Dementia and/or Alzheimer's. Right now her decline is very gradual. I hope it stays gradual, or stops totally at least. But I know the future will do as it pleases.

Back to cigs. I smoke half and put it out. Then later when I have a craving, I smoke the rest. But lately I've been going back to the last half of it too soon.

Does anyone else struggle with quitting smoking? Any ideas? I've tried everything except hypnosis.

I've been getting the come and go depression again. Like it leaves me feeling without hope. Maybe it'll get better.

If I can stay focused on things I need to do, and get busy on it, I believe it will subside greatly. Mom won't let me do many chores or anything, since my spine surgery and other things. But maybe I can do laundry when she's not looking, or when she's napping. 🙂

Then I will feel useful, hopeful and helpful.

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Ok, so I don't class myself as a non smoker but I have not had a Cigarette or Roll Your Own for the last 3 years. I made the switch to an E-Cig. Currently I am on 0% Nicotine and have just started with CBD Oils (General Anxiety) it's probably not healthy still but I see it as healthier and I don't have that annoying claggy throat in the morning or foul smell

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I was never a chronic smoker besides in high school days I was smoking a lot. After that maybe here and there when I got really stressed out. But the last time I was extremely stressed i tried one and I was really grossed out I just took a few drag and threw it away. 

For me, even when I used to enjoy it what prevented me to keep going was cardio. I hated that how it affected my cardio when I am exercising. I was gasping for air more when I tried to run or do any type of cardio when I started smoking again.

but then I see some dudes that can run like a gazelle right after smoking a cigarette and finish off another cigarette during the cool down after the run lol. I just couldn’t fathom how these guys do that. 

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5 hours ago, Ratvan said:

Ok, so I don't class myself as a non smoker but I have not had a Cigarette or Roll Your Own for the last 3 years. I made the switch to an E-Cig. Currently I am on 0% Nicotine and have just started with CBD Oils (General Anxiety) it's probably not healthy still but I see it as healthier and I don't have that annoying claggy throat in the morning or foul smell

Can you tell me how CBD oils helped you? And we’re they isolates? And how did you take them? And what effects and dosage? 

For me CBD did not help immensely to curve down my anxiety or anger, but gave me urge to start smoking(weed) again. Weed does help with anxiety and anger but comes with a price(brain fog, unproductivity and etc). I never vaped CBD but just orally with oils. Then it gave me the urge to get high so I’ll start dropping high dosage and get high and soon or later I’ll be back on vaping oil(weed) again.

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2 minutes ago, JJayy said:

Can you tell me how CBD oils helped you? And we’re they isolates? And how did you take them? And what effects and dosage? 

For me CBD did not help immensely to curve down my anxiety or anger, but gave me urge to start smoking(weed) again. Weed does help with anxiety and anger but comes with a price(brain fog, unproductivity and etc). I never vaped CBD but just orally with oils. Then it gave me the urge to get high so I’ll start dropping high dosage and get high and soon or later I’ll be back on vaping oil(weed) again.

I'm currently trying out 300MG Cannibidol in my Vape pen, not sure with the isolates.

Using it when I feel jittery or can feel my usual anxiety levels starting to rise. It mellows me out without any of the side effects of smoking weed. I don't get the munchies (never really do tbh), no paranoia, no hiding (best part for me) and I don't want a cigarette which is the main thing for me, i hated smelling like a smoker

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9 hours ago, Ratvan said:

Ok, so I don't class myself as a non smoker but I have not had a Cigarette or Roll Your Own for the last 3 years. I made the switch to an E-Cig. Currently I am on 0% Nicotine and have just started with CBD Oils (General Anxiety) it's probably not healthy still but I see it as healthier and I don't have that annoying claggy throat in the morning or foul smell

Did you use the e-cig to help you quit? My nephew has one, and I used to have a crappy, cheap made one... but it sounds so expensive to get the stuff for it.

I'd like to use CBD oils! All the pains in my body would probably be eased with it.

I burn incense constantly to cover the smell. I hate stinking. I hate being tired and having to take time out to smoke. I can and will quit. I must.

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5 hours ago, JJayy said:

I was never a chronic smoker besides in high school days I was smoking a lot. After that maybe here and there when I got really stressed out. But the last time I was extremely stressed i tried one and I was really grossed out I just took a few drag and threw it away. 

For me, even when I used to enjoy it what prevented me to keep going was cardio. I hated that how it affected my cardio when I am exercising. I was gasping for air more when I tried to run or do any type of cardio when I started smoking again.

but then I see some dudes that can run like a gazelle right after smoking a cigarette and finish off another cigarette during the cool down after the run lol. I just couldn’t fathom how these guys do that. 

Wow yeah. I've seen people that have energy and must have 4 sets of lungs when they smoke!

Your smoking reminds me of myself in a way. Back from my 17 teenage years, I smoked one cigarette a day. I'd steal ONE cigarette from my mom daily, and enjoy it at night. Sometimes I'd be interrupted and have to put it out in water or something and I was like "ahhhhh!!!!!" but hey that's Karma. I stole it. lol

I was into doing something to myself that was harmful (not drinking or illegal drugs) so she offered me cigs instead of doing that. I changed over to smoking then. I've smoked ever since.

I hate stinking. I really do. I think that's one of the worst things about it. Also, getting congested from it. I sound rattly all the time.

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4 hours ago, JJayy said:

Can you tell me how CBD oils helped you? And we’re they isolates? And how did you take them? And what effects and dosage? 

For me CBD did not help immensely to curve down my anxiety or anger, but gave me urge to start smoking(weed) again. Weed does help with anxiety and anger but comes with a price(brain fog, unproductivity and etc). I never vaped CBD but just orally with oils. Then it gave me the urge to get high so I’ll start dropping high dosage and get high and soon or later I’ll be back on vaping oil(weed) again.

I know you were talking to another user here, but I wanted to say that I wish I was allowed to smoke weed. I've had all this physical pain for so long with absolutely nothing to help that it's driving me insane. Marijuana is illegal where I'm at. We got crooked authorities. Kentucky is the worst place to live.

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I need to be honest... I feel the emotion of jealousy, I think,  when others get to use CBD, Marijuana, Cannaibidol and stuff. My spine doctor asked if I used it. I said no. but I wonder why she asked, and if i'm allowed to use it. and where to find it.

I've never knew people who knew people (who you know, blow and relate to is how things get done in this world). I don't know anyone I could buy from, then it would be considered a crime, right?

It is always overprescribed for those who do not have genuine pain. Not saying you guys don't, i'm just stating a fact. I don't know your lives entirely, but I have suffered so long with doctors who didn't care about me, who taunted me, and my dad got all the marijuana and pain medications, and I was not believed until I shaved my head totally bald. Obviously my long red hair was offensive to them?

I'm not in a good mood right now. But I must go with mom to get my meds, potassium, atorvastatin, and omeprazole.

 

I just feel cheated in life... because I don't have the connections like others do. Maybe being alone is best. I'll always be alone. Everyone says I"m ugly, or "you're cute but lets just be friends".

Forgive me I think i'm having an episode here. I need to get off here before I say something wrong. As if I haven't already.

I'll chill out and b back later, maybe.

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9 minutes ago, Jamark8 said:

I know you were talking to another user here, but I wanted to say that I wish I was allowed to smoke weed. I've had all this physical pain for so long with absolutely nothing to help that it's driving me insane. Marijuana is illegal where I'm at. We got crooked authorities. Kentucky is the worst place to live.

It may change soon I believe. Here in California it’s like going to a liquor store and buying a beer. It has helped a lot of people. Personally, I like that it eliminates my anxiety and anger and I enjoy music, movies and food more. But I just get too unproductive and I still prefer being productive and having more clarity. 

But how marijuana is being legalized more and more, other states may adopt in soon as well.

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Also I think I enjoyed it more when I was in middle school and high school because it was illegal and being a kid just doing bad things seemed more exciting. Once it’s legalized and you became a grown up, i sort of lost interest. So I was just medicating myself mainly for my anger issue for awhile, but it really bothered me that I was getting lazy. 

And ever since I started reading more gospels, I don’t even crave it when I get so stressed. And it’s only been about 3 weeks into reading gospels and being sober( no weed and no caffeine), despite of heavy stressors, I haven’t yet to explode in anger. So I’m pretty content with how things been going so far. 

Also I just googled and it says in Kentucky CBD is legal as long as it has less than 0.3 percentage of THC. 

I believe isolates have 0 percent of THC, if I’m not mistaken. 

I’ve heard good things about green mountain CBD (they have a website), not sure if they send it to Kentucky as well but that’s where I have purchased before. 

 

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4 hours ago, JJayy said:

Also I think I enjoyed it more when I was in middle school and high school because it was illegal and being a kid just doing bad things seemed more exciting. Once it’s legalized and you became a grown up, i sort of lost interest. So I was just medicating myself mainly for my anger issue for awhile, but it really bothered me that I was getting lazy. 

And ever since I started reading more gospels, I don’t even crave it when I get so stressed. And it’s only been about 3 weeks into reading gospels and being sober( no weed and no caffeine), despite of heavy stressors, I haven’t yet to explode in anger. So I’m pretty content with how things been going so far. 

Also I just googled and it says in Kentucky CBD is legal as long as it has less than 0.3 percentage of THC. 

I believe isolates have 0 percent of THC, if I’m not mistaken. 

I’ve heard good things about green mountain CBD (they have a website), not sure if they send it to Kentucky as well but that’s where I have purchased before. 

 

I will check it out. My counselor gave me an advertisement paper of some place in KY that sells the CBD, but it's very expensive. I'd have to save up for it.

Curious: how much does marijuana cost in the states that it's legal in? That may give me an idea of how much it may cost in KY IF THEY'D GET ON THE BALL!! lol I need it. I know it would help.

I need to also get me one of those vape things. Quit smoking cigs. ya know. :)

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3 hours ago, Jamark8 said:

I will check it out. My counselor gave me an advertisement paper of some place in KY that sells the CBD, but it's very expensive. I'd have to save up for it.

Curious: how much does marijuana cost in the states that it's legal in? That may give me an idea of how much it may cost in KY IF THEY'D GET ON THE BALL!! lol I need it. I know it would help.

I need to also get me one of those vape things. Quit smoking cigs. ya know. 🙂

When I was buying them I wouldn’t buy flowers but either edibles(gummies) or oils(vape) because they are more convenient for me. I didn’t want myself or my place to reek like marijuana. Plus oil concentrates you only need a hit or two to get high and doesn’t reek as much. With a vape cartridge and 2 grams of oil usually cost me around 100 and would last me pretty long time and they’ll add some extra bonuses(edibles or a joint) if I purchase around 100 at the dispensary that I used to go.

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On ‎12‎/‎21‎/‎2018 at 11:24 PM, JJayy said:

When I was buying them I wouldn’t buy flowers but either edibles(gummies) or oils(vape) because they are more convenient for me. I didn’t want myself or my place to reek like marijuana. Plus oil concentrates you only need a hit or two to get high and doesn’t reek as much. With a vape cartridge and 2 grams of oil usually cost me around 100 and would last me pretty long time and they’ll add some extra bonuses(edibles or a joint) if I purchase around 100 at the dispensary that I used to go.

Interesting. I didn't realize how it all worked. They have things out with marijuana in it that I never heard of! I smoked it only twice. Once was with a (now ex-) friend, and he had the medical marijuana because of his condition, we just smoked it. It made my pains ease up even the depression. The worst part is that my (now ex-) friend made me watch The Stepford Wives while he was trying to get ringtones on his phone. That was back in 2005 I think. Then the other time was when my dad's cousin come up from Florida, and had some with him (a lot of the men in dad's side of the family smoked it.. .but my dad always tried to hide it. I guess he didn't want to share lol). When his cousin come up in around 2006, his son and daughter were with him and his daughter quit smoking it, but his son and he was still smoking it. They offered it to me and I was happy to get to experience it again.  However, I think there was something else in it. I won't say what it is, but I'll just say that it made me have a huge freakout. The stuff didn't even taste the same. I've learned from mom when we talk about it, that there are several types of it that smell different.. is that true? Mom smoked back before my brother and I were born, but quit when she got pregnant with us.

Anandahemp . com was where my counselor said to check out. (without spaces of course).  I'm still not sure if I can afford even that.

I don't mean to admit this, (one of my mottos, though, is to expose all your flaws yourself so others won't have to), but I feel the emotion envy to those who can have easy access to it, and just to have it period. I don't want to feel this way, because it makes me seem conceited. To my knowledge I'm not conceited. I'm not like that. But I do feel these emotions and I guess it's kinda normal to feel envy or jealousy... but what is not normal is to hide and suppress your emotions and blow up later.

Hey I got something to ask you / tell you. I'll send you a pm about it.

By the way, to everyone, MERRY CHRISTMAS / HAPPY HOLIDAYS :)

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I vaped for a while and stayed away from smoking, but it wasn't the same so I got bored with it and went back to cigarettes.

But the other day while visiting a friend I tried one of the Juul e-cigs and was very impressed. The closest feel of smoking of any vape-type device I've tried. I went and bought one today since I'm almost out of cigs. I hesitate to say I'm quitting smoking (for me, saying that is like the boy who cried wolf), but we'll see what happens...

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