I seem to have lost a blog post, several PM convos, and the ability to start new PM convos..... I smell a glitch. I can't even find any record of what I did yesterday in my activity feed. It's all gone, I guess. Bummer. Par for the course for me lately.
When I wrote my last blog post, I was feeling pretty suicidal - but don't be alarmed. I know that sounds antithetical, but I've lived with suicidal thoughts for many years now. They are not constant anymore, and I have frequent periods where I feel pretty much what 'normal' must be. So I'm making progress. It's still a moment to moment, narrow thing.
The short of it is that I am pushing 50 and my youngest is in her senior year in high school and has moved in with her boyfriend's family. It's a long story as to why. My middle one just moved across state to live with my mom while he gets his degree. My oldest lives a short distance away, but I"m lucky to get over to see her and her family about once or twice a month.
So, they're all gone. And all I can think about is what I messed up and what I didn't do. It was really bad this weekend when we met my mom halfway to drop my middle kid off. Well, I guess I can't say kid - he's in his early to mid-twenties. My oldest is nearing thirty, and my youngest is already 18.
Anyway, that's the struggle. Breathing. Working. Repeat. Breathe. Work. Repeat. Breathing is astonishingly difficult right now. I don't know how I'm going to manage work.