i feel like a total failure. i dont understand whats wrong with me. how did i allow my life to get this screwed up. i feel so empty and lonely. Since my early 20s i held on to hope that life would get better...thats what kept me going, i promised myself that years from now, i would look back at this sadness and tell myself it was all worth it. 15 years later....and its still the same...except quieter. all i learned over the years was to hide my depression. i literally just go thru the motions of the day.
my 20 yr high school reunion is next weekend. im totally not going..i didnt have a great high school experience and the last thing i need is to see and hear how everyone is married, with kids. All i wanted in life was to be a mom. i really thought it would happen for me, someday. i think giving myself hope that it would is what screwed me up.
what is my purpose, what do i deserve, why was i even born?
i feel so empty. and really fear the future of growing old alone. im just getting thru each day...waiting to die