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Unhappy People LOVE to Drag Down Happy People


RiverLight

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I am seeing a lot of envy on this other forum where I post, coupled by meanness and lashing out at me because I am truly very happy. GEEZ! Calm down, people, and gain control over your emotions. I fought for my happiness. I climbed over mountains and fought through miserable circumstances. I pursued what made me happiest, but don't condemn me because I have made it to the other side and you have not. Don't condemn me because you're miserable and cannot stand your own life.

Make it happen. Pursue what makes you happiest. We are each responsible for our own happiness. Hell, I spent years fighting many battles. I spent years in less than desirable circumstances. I was DEEPLY depressed four years ago -- suicidal for eight months straight when a great life dream came crashing down around me and my whole world fell apart. I had to pick up all the pieces myself. It took a LOT of work and time, but I did it and with a LOT of external support. My life slowly improved, one little piece at a time. But I worked for it.

So if I can climb out of a deep dark depression, anyone can. There IS hope and there IS happiness to be had. But people have to do it for themselves. No one else will.  

If you're unhappy in a particular situation, then figure out how to make it better OR leave that situation. If you're in a bad relationship, then get out. If you're in a horrific job that makes you miserable, then get out and find a better one. If the people around you are making you unhappy, then don't be around those people. Find people who lift your spirits. Do whatever in life makes you happiest. We have to work for it, we have to fight for it, and it's SO worth it in the end. 

But please don't condemn me because I am happy and am living a good life. I did not have a great life for many years. Now I do, and that's because I worked very hard at getting there. 

So there's my rant for the day. 

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Oh @RiverLight I too sometimes feel the same way n feel like ranting out. Sometimes I tend to blame myself for my lack of proper words n understanding that lead to people condemning me.

We do our best to guide people n show them the way, but it’s up to them to take it. We can lead a horse to the water, but we can’t make it drink.

And if it won’t drink, just leave it. Toxic people are always there. That’s another skill we need to learn as we progress - how n when to leave toxic people :hugs:

Edited by nirah007
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10 hours ago, nirah007 said:

Oh @RiverLight I too sometimes feel the same way n feel like ranting out. Sometimes I tend to blame myself for my lack of proper words n understanding that lead to people condemning me.

We do our best to guide people n show them the way, but it’s up to them to take it. We can lead a horse to the water, but we can’t make it drink.

And if it won’t drink, just leave it. Toxic people are always there. That’s another skill we need to learn as we progress - how n when to leave toxic people :hugs:

Aw, thank you nirah! Yeah, this person on this other forum really got to me yesterday. It's much more loosely monitored there so ppl get away with being nasty to each other sometimes. And she was nasty!! Saying "isn't that special" when I said that I have a fiance who respects me. It was really not nice.. there's more than that, but yeah, she's got some issues and is very toxic. I had forgotten what it's like dealing with a toxic person!!! You just have to walk away..... 

HUGS!

 

56 minutes ago, iWantRope said:

At least those people are only on a forum. They can't backstab you & cause you to lose your employment.

Very very true!!! Ppl find it easy to be mean to each other though behind a screen. Ugh. 

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When someone is in a bad spot, it is difficult for them to see a way out of it. When they are told "You are in control of your own happiness", they feel guilty and attacked because they are struggling to take control of their own actions, let alone mood.

So when they see you improving and building a better life for yourself, they compare themselves and think "River's doing a lot better for herself, and I feel like trash". Some people silently compare and despair, while others lash out of you, especially when guarded by an electronic screen.

I'm sorry people try to bring you down like this, but please understand that the problem is not you, it's their depression

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they feel guilty and attacked

This! Many people who struggle for a long time tend to blame everything on external factors, watching someone succeed and say that everybody can do it feels like an attack to them. Personal responsibility is a hard thing to accept... 

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5 hours ago, GhostInTheShellx said:

When someone is in a bad spot, it is difficult for them to see a way out of it. When they are told "You are in control of your own happiness", they feel guilty and attacked because they are struggling to take control of their own actions, let alone mood.

So when they see you improving and building a better life for yourself, they compare themselves and think "River's doing a lot better for herself, and I feel like trash". Some people silently compare and despair, while others lash out of you, especially when guarded by an electronic screen.

I'm sorry people try to bring you down like this, but please understand that the problem is not you, it's their depression

thank you for this perspective, which I do understand fully. However, lashing out at someone is never acceptable just because that someone is envious of you. And being mean and vicious is never acceptable either. While I may understand the why, the behavior is never OK, you know? I certainly don't throw my happiness in others' faces.... not at all. 

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4 hours ago, lonelyforeigner said:

This! Many people who struggle for a long time tend to blame everything on external factors, watching someone succeed and say that everybody can do it feels like an attack to them. Personal responsibility is a hard thing to accept... 

YES!!!! happiness is an inside job, and is not based on external factors. Many people refuse to take personal responsibility for themselves and prefer to just say woe is me. 

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7 hours ago, GhostInTheShellx said:

When they are told "You are in control of your own happiness", they feel guilty and attacked because they are struggling to take control of their own actions, let alone mood.

I am not sure if you took my original blog post as an attack? Very sorry if you took it that way. It was not an attack against anyone and certainly not here. It was meant to be encouraging, especially since I have climbed out of a deep dark depression several times in my life. 

Edited by RiverLight
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I cannot comment on any forum drama or the like because I do not frequent this forum.

However we human beings are inherently selfish, we are born that way, it's encoded into our biology and only through developing a great deal of maturity and wisdom can a person easily look beyond their own (lack) of welfare and appreciate other's without envy nor pettiness coming into play.

And to be rather harsh, if anyone is here participating on this forum that's a likely indicator of very difficult life circumstances that are probably not very conductive to developing that level of wisdom or maturity, so those types of reactions are to be expected somewhat.

Beyond that, yes it's fairly cliche but you're essentially right, inaction and passivity are the death of the human spirit. There are too many factors outside our control so maybe even trying our hardest may not solve anything but once we completely stop trying something, no matter how pointless or insignificant in practice, then at that point we may as well all ready be dead because passion, any passion, is what fuels life.

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4 hours ago, RiverLight said:

I am not sure if you took my original blog post as an attack? Very sorry if you took it that way. It was not an attack against anyone and certainly not here. It was meant to be encouraging, especially since I have climbed out of a deep dark depression several times in my life. 

No! It was not an attack, I'm just saying that for some people in a depressive state, they can perceive it as an attack because they guilt themselves over "not doing anything" when they are depressed. You are completely innocent

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6 hours ago, GhostInTheShellx said:

No! It was not an attack, I'm just saying that for some people in a depressive state, they can perceive it as an attack because they guilt themselves over "not doing anything" when they are depressed. You are completely innocent

Oh, ok good! It wasn't meant to be..... and thanks for clarifying! HUGS. 

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9 hours ago, Crimson_Wings said:

I cannot comment on any forum drama or the like because I do not frequent this forum.

However we human beings are inherently selfish, we are born that way, it's encoded into our biology and only through developing a great deal of maturity and wisdom can a person easily look beyond their own (lack) of welfare and appreciate other's without envy nor pettiness coming into play.

And to be rather harsh, if anyone is here participating on this forum that's a likely indicator of very difficult life circumstances that are probably not very conductive to developing that level of wisdom or maturity, so those types of reactions are to be expected somewhat.

Beyond that, yes it's fairly cliche but you're essentially right, inaction and passivity are the death of the human spirit. There are too many factors outside our control so maybe even trying our hardest may not solve anything but once we completely stop trying something, no matter how pointless or insignificant in practice, then at that point we may as well all ready be dead because passion, any passion, is what fuels life.

Thank you for your thoughts! 

I tend to agree with you. This other forum I am on is very different than here. Frankly, I am not even sure why I am on there at this point. I run a blog and get inspired by topics people are talking about and also ask for support from time to time. But it's different than DF and much more loosely monitored. Honestly, if it were more closely monitored, ppl wouldn't have the freedom to be nasty to each other so easily. There would be repercussions, as there are here. 

But I agree about giving up meaning that you might as well be dead to life and dead to passion. Passion is what fueled me to climb out of my own depressions, because I knew there was much more to life than being depressed. Thank you again!

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Words carry weight. Sometimes a simple thought, written in a certain format may trigger someone who is feeling a whirlwind of emotions. Lashing out might give an immediate sense of relief,but believe me they most likely feel a sense of guilt afterward. Be happy in your accomplishments and your well earned happiness. Just hope others may gain the same. Don't let it bother you. Think of it as being a martyr for an invdividual's change in perspective. They may get angry or jealous and write hurtful things, then they may go out and change their own life situation. You never know how another person is feeling. How they act, speak, and write are only a quick window.

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On 10/8/2018 at 7:37 PM, nirah007 said:

Oh @RiverLight I too sometimes feel the same way n feel like ranting out. Sometimes I tend to blame myself for my lack of proper words n understanding that lead to people condemning me.

We do our best to guide people n show them the way, but it’s up to them to take it. We can lead a horse to the water, but we can’t make it drink.

And if it won’t drink, just leave it. Toxic people are always there. That’s another skill we need to learn as we progress - how n when to leave toxic people :hugs:

I so appreciate the truth about toxic 

people and the things they say and do

🙄

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23 hours ago, Rose Chavez said:

Words carry weight. Sometimes a simple thought, written in a certain format may trigger someone who is feeling a whirlwind of emotions. Lashing out might give an immediate sense of relief,but believe me they most likely feel a sense of guilt afterward. Be happy in your accomplishments and your well earned happiness. Just hope others may gain the same. Don't let it bother you. Think of it as being a martyr for an invdividual's change in perspective. They may get angry or jealous and write hurtful things, then they may go out and change their own life situation. You never know how another person is feeling. How they act, speak, and write are only a quick window.

that's very optimistic of you, but I don't have much hope for toxic people. Once toxic, rarely do they change and rarely do they feel remorse. They care about themselves foremost. 

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On 10/17/2018 at 5:39 PM, Rose Chavez said:

Determination is a fantastic quality in a positive individual. When applied negatively it is such a smear on one's capability to promote good. 

 

Omg, it sure is!!! I love the way you worded that..... such a smear... hehe. And so true! Applied negatively, it has the opposite effect and ramifications. 

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