Goodbye summer. Hello seasonal affective dosorder. Autumn is real. It's happening right now right here. My friend from North sent me a video today. It was all winter. All white, snowing and reindeer. I wonder if Santa suffers from seasonal affective disorder. In Finland 10-30% suffers from light symptoms and 1% serious disorder.
It's not all white here in South. Probably won't be untill January. It's just darker day by day. Four seansons are great but here in polar circle it means extreme light and extreme darkness.
I don't usually suffer from darkness. On the contrary, the darker it gets more hypomanic I become. This year could be different. I am feeling different. I've been tired all week. Sleeping on the couch in addition to eleven hours of night sleep. Feels like spring when I am usually very tired. Everything is upside down.
I've been useless today. I haven't gotten off a couch all day. Well yes, I ate and made some coffee but basically I've been sleeping and staring at my phone. I don't want to be tired. Christmas is coming and so many things to do! I want to enjoy tidy and cosy home and enjoy candle light. It's hard if I've got no energy to clean up. Though it's easy to fool oneself and switch off lights and lit candles. Mess magically disappears.
I thought today that why should I even write. What's the point. I don't know if no one is reading anyway. I could just sleep all day long. If I was working five days a week, I would be usefull. Nobody would question if I was tired. But I am only working three days a week. M comes home from work soon and I haven't done anything here. House is a mess and I haven't fed the kids. I haven't even brushed my teeth.
I hope this goes by. I can't have depression now. I don't do winter depression. Spring and summer is my thing.