The past is never far from my thoughts. Whenever my concentration falters, some memory crawls out of the back of my mind, spreading through my grey matter like an ink stain. I watch the past expand behind me, while the future has shrunken away to almost nothing. I feel completely used up. Tired of living. Nothing left to give, and nothing left to do but wait.
"Depression is the inability to construct a future" - Rollo May
I never understood that quote until now. My depression seems different now, I'm unable to see a future where I am happy, and all I can think of is all the things that are behind me. The only future I can construct is one where I am paralyzed by all my regrets. I keep feeling like I'm not going to live much longer, so why bother. I'm not planning anything, I just feel like my time's up. When your past is nothing but regrets, it's hard to have hope for the future. Nothing left but sunsets, pills, worries, bills, and pain.