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Friendships


thursdayschild

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Wow it's been a while since I've been on here.  I have depression and for the past year or so have been switching medications trying to get relief.  I was originally on Prozac and Nortriptyline (for sleep) and have been switched to Wellbutrin (insomnia was horrible), Effexor (still with the insomnia), and Lexapro (horrible anger issues, worse depression, bad insomnia).  Now I'm back on my old friends Prozac and Nortriptyline and I'm beginning to feel "normal" again.  Still depressed, but sleeping is better now.  Not great, but better.

ANYway...  I just found out that someone who I considered a best friend, who I grew up with from the age of three, like a sister to me, had cancer surgery about three months ago and didn't tell me.  I found out from her brother.  She wrote to me to say that she only told three people and she was waiting to hear her final prognosis before she told anyone else.  That was months ago, she found out she is cancer free.  But she still never told me.  Now, we hadn't been in touch for many years until we got together on Facebook about six years ago, but despite that, when you grow up with someone and you're very close as children/teenagers, that bond is for life, right? 

Although I shouldn't be surprised...  my own actual sisters keep these kind of secrets too.  Surgeries, prison sentences, you name it.  Somehow that doesn't bother me as much because we have never been close. 

But today I feel down about this...  I don't have many real friends and now I'm doubting if I have any.  This is the kind of treatment I get from "friends".  I'll be eating lunch with someone, having a conversation, and then one of their other friends will come in and my lunch partner will tell her, just sit down, and, they proceed to have a conversation about something I'm not a part of, and I'm sitting there eating lunch like an *****.  This has happened more times than not.  It's like I'm always the friend that people will hang around with only until something better comes along.  When I was a kid, it was because we had a swimming pool.  These kids ignored me in the winter, but in the summer, boy, I was their best friend.  I'm almost 60 years old and I feel like I've never had a real, true friend.  I thought it was my friend that had cancer, but now I'm not so sure.  That really, really hurts. 

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I’m sorry to hear that your friend from 

the past didn’t share her sickness with 

you but it might not be nothing personal 

because some people are just private 

when it comes to their health.  Also

some people don’t want people feeling 

sorry so they just don’t tell many people 

but the ones who need to know.

So, cheer up my friend and try not to 

take it so personal.  Hang in there my 

friend and I hope your medicine works 

better for you than before 

 

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I've had similar experiences. One of my friends told me that he didn't want to worry me with his problems. I kind of understand that because I'm reluctant to "burden" others too. But on the other hand, what are friends for?

My relatives don't want to even acknowledge that I suffer from severe depression and anxiety. I'm just that weird family member who is "mental". My daughter knows generally that I am suffering, but I don't burden her with any details. 

I don't have any real friends in close proximity either; only on FB and here on DF.

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