Wow it's been a while since I've been on here. I have depression and for the past year or so have been switching medications trying to get relief. I was originally on Prozac and Nortriptyline (for sleep) and have been switched to Wellbutrin (insomnia was horrible), Effexor (still with the insomnia), and Lexapro (horrible anger issues, worse depression, bad insomnia). Now I'm back on my old friends Prozac and Nortriptyline and I'm beginning to feel "normal" again. Still depressed, but sleeping is better now. Not great, but better.
ANYway... I just found out that someone who I considered a best friend, who I grew up with from the age of three, like a sister to me, had cancer surgery about three months ago and didn't tell me. I found out from her brother. She wrote to me to say that she only told three people and she was waiting to hear her final prognosis before she told anyone else. That was months ago, she found out she is cancer free. But she still never told me. Now, we hadn't been in touch for many years until we got together on Facebook about six years ago, but despite that, when you grow up with someone and you're very close as children/teenagers, that bond is for life, right?
Although I shouldn't be surprised... my own actual sisters keep these kind of secrets too. Surgeries, prison sentences, you name it. Somehow that doesn't bother me as much because we have never been close.
But today I feel down about this... I don't have many real friends and now I'm doubting if I have any. This is the kind of treatment I get from "friends". I'll be eating lunch with someone, having a conversation, and then one of their other friends will come in and my lunch partner will tell her, just sit down, and, they proceed to have a conversation about something I'm not a part of, and I'm sitting there eating lunch like an *****. This has happened more times than not. It's like I'm always the friend that people will hang around with only until something better comes along. When I was a kid, it was because we had a swimming pool. These kids ignored me in the winter, but in the summer, boy, I was their best friend. I'm almost 60 years old and I feel like I've never had a real, true friend. I thought it was my friend that had cancer, but now I'm not so sure. That really, really hurts.