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how to adjust to the silence

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allalone6

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I feel so abandoned these days. nothing to do, no one to talk to. I was signed up for a kayaking trip this past saturday, I was looking forward to it since march, I couldnt wait, but had to miss it for a funeral. It was the one thing i was looking forward to this summer. guess thats just the way things work out. I go biking and for walks all the time, but I do it solo, so I was looking forward to company and conversation.

I havent talked to anyone in months, I dont even bother attempting it anymore. its not worth the heart ache. If people wanted to talk to me or see me or hang out with me, they would make an effort. so I leave it alone. it is what it is.

I thought i would eventually get used to it, but it does bother me that no one misses me. I miss a boat load of people but its not reciprocal.  I guess im just stuck in this part of my life for now. 

I always held on to hope that my life would work out and id be happy, i never prepared for this, I didnt see my life turning into something this empty and lonely. Im having a difficult time adjusting.

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allalone6, 

I too held on to the hope that my life would work out and one day I’d be happy. It’s so hard to face what my life has become because of depression and mental illness. 

I guess I’m still kind of holding on to it, otherwise maybe I could eventually get over the HUGE disappointment that it has been not  achieving that. 

Im sorry you’re feeling so abandoned. The Kayaking trip sounded like a good thing.  I admire you for walking and biking, that’s inspiring. 

I hope you keep writing your blog, It helps, and I think it helps others.

 

:))) katz

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