I am sitting outside on my break at work trying desperately to soak in the rays from the sun, hoping it will energize me. Give me a sense of hope.
All I can think of is running. Taking the bit of money I have, grabbing a bus ticket and getting the hell away from here-not ever looking back. I dislike where I live. I think part of my depression is enviromental...but whose to say if I ran away i'd end up in a new location with the same depressed feelings?
Some days I can not tell if it is me or if it is others. Some days I can't tell if I like living or hate. Some days I can't tell if I want love or loathe it. Some days I can't tell if I want to be alone or just feel lonely.
This world is so much bigger than where I live. I feel like I am missing out. I am so scared to take chances. Scared of what people think of me. Yet I have a wanderlust thats slowly becoming painful. I yearn to go somewhere on my own and just be free in myself rather it be the depressed anxious me or the me i'm still coming back to. The one i'm still adjusting too and learning.
45 secs left before my break ends and I still want to run. Back inside to registers and angry customers.
Please tell me there is more out there for me.