The last couple of days have felt like weeks. I've been sitting in somewhat of an intense lonely darkness where I truly believe I could have ended my life at any moment. Fighting the urges, replaying bad decisions and moments that I could and should have easily avoided. 

I thought this was finally the end where could give in and end it all.

My brain has other plans from me. I woke up this morning wanting to fight back, wanting to fix all I had broken, wanting to better myself, wanting to break through this wall I've got built up around me. I want help, I need help, yet I have no idea what or where to get it. 

I have all my bags, all my goals but noone or nothing to transport me to where I need to be. 

How do I let my mistakes go so I can move forward? How do I keep the motivation and really drive myself to where I so wish to be?

I fear the motivation won't last and I'll be back to the dark depths I usually find myself in, wishing I wasn't alive.

I desperately need advice on what I can do with these little glimmers of light. Please help me. 

~ A Troubled Traveller