I've always been determined no matter what the state of mind I've been in. Always fighting the unseen battle. I've always wanted more for myself and strived to better myself. Unfortunately I feel like I've lost.
I feel my sanity slipping, or maybe it has already and I just haven't really noticed. I sit here in this cafe on my own.. lonely, my head practically spinning, the recolection of past mistakes and missed opportunities swirling around above me. I feel so lost, so alone. It's loneliness I don't want but know I should have so I don't drag anyone else down with me. This feeling is so painful yet feels so much like home, almost comfortable even. Damagingly dark thoughts and shadows cast over me. Can't. Do. This. But I have no other choice, I can't hurt those who don't deserve it.
I feel so incredibly manic, like I'm going to do something I wouldn't normally do, I fear this state as I truly believe I'll end up in a situation that I can't get out of.
Need help but I have noone who even remotely understands. I truly have no strong connections with anyone and it hurts so much that I can't talk to anyone about this.
The last month for me my emotions, my mental health, my relationship.. everything has been spiralling down, out of my control. I don't know whether it's the Prisq medicine I've started taking or whether I'm genuinely losing my mind and my life to this depression.
I'm fighting and drastically losing battle. Infact I would go as far as to say I think I've finally given up. I'm off the rails, I'm scared where I'm headed.
~ A Troubled Traveller.