Tonight I sit on my own, only this time it isn't just in my head. It's 1am and I'm currently writing this on a beach off the west coast of Australia. Pitch black. The stars and my phone are there only remote source of light here. I hear only waves and wind, that alone is enough right now. A tranquil paradise in comparison to these damaging thoughts and impulse decisions.
I've been drinking but I'm not drunk. I know how I'm feeling and I know full well it's not alcohol induced.
My life really doesn't matter, to people, to this world.. and that's okay. I'm merely a smudge on this earth, to this galaxy, to this universe.
I'v come to conclusion that I'd prefer to feel forever alone than to feel..whatever this is. Infact I feel so alone sometimes anyway so why even be in a relationship? I don't want to rejoin the group, I don't want to rejoin the same damn feelings and thoughts I get. I want to detach, disappear right this second. I want all this energy to be used for something better.
I will sit on this beach alone, in the pitch black, with nothing but stars for goals and happiness, both physically in this moment and mentally for the foreseeable future.
I'm so lost and so lonely.