A Troubled Traveller

Hi Stensills118: )

So I wanted to check in to see  how you are feeling today.  I am sorry you are feeling so badly about yourself.   My first thought is to say you shoudn't..haha.  But we do feel those things.  Sometimes more than we want to.  But you really do have a great analogy on the moments of life in your writing.  Thoughtful illustrations in the mind.  I myself woke and pulled the covers over my head this morning.  I get so tired of life when I am not taking any medicine, and wonder why I feel that way.  I have been off of them for about two months. 

I read your post last night.  I even read it to my sister who is in the hospital very ill. Ieven just read it to my husband.  We were talking about our journeys.  I found it enlightening and felt your frustration-so did she.  So your words 'in these moments' have been digested but not spat out.  As I have chewed on them myself the word that comes to my own mind for me is  'Expectations'.   That is my issue I often think. At least that is a phrase I recall one of my children telling me when they were finally an adult.  I set myself up years ago with expectations and then passed those onto others when they were around me. I often say or do the wrong things.  Once of my acquantances said I say things of the cuff in a joking manner but seem to be trying to say how I feel without hurting another-yet do it anyway.  :  (  I don't think I can accept myself for who I am; and keep trying to be more still-even though I know I can't and don't have to.  It is a daily work for me.  It is hard work.

Now as years have passed I see how I made things so much worse by trying to fill in the dark holes of emptiness or disappointment with material things, becoming a fix it person or over commitmenting to mention a few.  Then I keep stopping my medicine and loosing any sense of well being I might have because I get caught up in my physical status and not the importance of my emotiona and mental wellbeing.  

So today I dragged myself up and decided to make a go of it again.  I have a doctors appointment too so that helps to get me motivated.  Maybe I will be talkedinto my meds again.

Hi peaches

Many thanks for your kind words, I appreciate you taking the time to share you opinions and experiences with me. 

You're completely right about "expectations", they almost certainly set you up for disappointment when the expectations aren't met. I believe I too have way too many expections of certain moments and myself.

I wish you all the best with your doctors appointment and I sincerely hope your motivation continues to drive you to get up in the morning. 

:)

Edited February 23, 2018 by Stencils118