I think my attachment to her reveals how sad my life is, how lonely I am inside.
It shows there are things missing in my life.
What are these things?
This longing for something impossible might be a memory of my childhood desire for love and acceptance.
I'm reenacting the desire to have my parents provide warmth, encouragement, support.
Endless loop of longing for something impossible.
I can't forget her because I must remember what happened when I was a child.
The loneliness, the sadness, the frustration.
I'm still disappointed by my parents.
I'm still longing for some type of turn-around that will never happen.
Is this desire for her what I felt as a child? This mix of longing, disappointment, frustration, sadness? This feeling that if things were different, that if the object of desire was available, everything would be amazing?
How can I console the child in me?