I had a wonderful taste of normality that lasted a whole 7(ish) days, It was bliss.
I was surprisingly chatty to people at work and I enjoyed it. I felt very close to my girlfriend and was genuinely enjoying life I thought.
But, nothing lasts forever..
I saw something, a message that has brought my joyful, fun, gleaming self back behind the invisible bars. Replaced once again by the hollowed out shell that autopilots this body when the real me is trapped behind a trigger or an idea.
I know this won't last long but at the moment the more I try and fight this the more it feels like I'm just ignoring my feelings. Deceiving myself, masking over a grey pattern with a weak, dried out felt-tip pen.
I'm grateful that I felt so good, so alive even for just a few days. This is an achievement, even if it is now just a fading memory that feels like someone else's.
I'll have to just wait this one out again.
~ A Troubled Traveler