First day of 50.
I made a list of reasons to **** myself
1. The lack of financial stability. My credit is shot. Money is not flowing my way
2. Lack of love and friends. If I were to die, some people would grieve. Mostly in the form of Facebook posts.
3. I have a couple of illnesses. Diabetes. Asthma.
4. The depression is relentless. Occulding. Veiling. Poisining. Soul-destroying.
My mother's decline will be the death of me.When she dies, so will I.
Reasons to live.
1. My writing. I'm afraid, though, it's not enough.Words get stuck in my brain, blocked by the foul parasite that is my mental illness. It eats my dreams and turns them in voids, nothing, dirt.
My drug regimen is the only thing that is keeping me alive. And that is not a good way to live: through chemical illusion.
Image: venture of the grey race/ Alexander Nemkovsky.