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Survival & Distance

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Stencils118

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I survived recent events and things are looking up, by way of what can only be described as forces beyond my imagination. Perhaps she's just a better person than I'll ever be. Once again I've been extremely lucky and managed to swerve away from a deep metaphorical hole in the highway of my life.   

She's gone away on a mini trip by herself to gain some independent travelling confidence. She tried backing out of it today saying she'd rather me come with her. I can't say I didn't love hearing that and thought about going with her but I made a promise to myself not to be so selfish with this second chance I had been given. I talked her round to going alone - as much as it pained me to say goodbye to her at the train station. I think it'll be good for both her and our recovering relationship for her to have some space away from me. A little bit of distance is sometimes just the right move to fix things.

Tonight, I'm alone. My mind wonders effortlessly at the best of times.. but right now the thoughts are dulled right down. This surprises me.
I do wonder of how she is, who shes talking to and how much fun she's having without me but I'm trying not to dwell too much. I'm thinking about her and not my feelings for a change. I'm not jealous but I do hope she's safe and is having a good time. 
I trust her.

I'm in a place.. more positive than negative but still I'm unsure. I feel a piece of me is missing but I know it's a piece that isn't lost - it's just at a distance from me, for now. 

I am grateful today (and in general) 

~ A Troubled Traveller

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