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Officially bipolar

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nhaar

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It's official now. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder. New medication, new life hopefully. I know it's not that simple though. Finding the right balance may take a while. After all it took fifteen years to get the right diagnosis so only God knows how long it will take finding right pills and right dosage.

I was pretty certain about being bipolar even though that thought didn't occur to me until few months ago. Actually it was an online friend of mine who told me that I was manic. We have never met in real life but he reads me like an open book. Actually it was him who told me to see a doctor fifteen years ago and get my depression treated. And I did. I was prescribed anti-depressants which set off the rollercoaster ride. I've ridden so many laps that I feel nauseous.

This is a turnover in my life. Now that I have taken the first step on getting better I have to follow through. I have to make some changes. The hardest thing will be letting go. My life will never be the same again. First of all I need to stop guarding myself and let people to see real me. For that I may need some psychotherapy but then so be it.

I am planning to write a letter to my parents and explain my situation. Maybe will write my friends too. All my life I have faked a smile for them and they either believed or just didn't care. How can I trust them again? How can I trust that I am good enough the way I am?

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People going through life with an undiagnosed mood disorder probably have the hardest go of things imaginable. "Normal" people, for whatever reason, think that having a mood/emotional/mental disorder is a choice. How many times are we told we're being difficult? You're unreasonable? Get your sh*t together? I love the cancer analogy...would those same people tell someone in a hospital bed with cancer to get their sh*t together? Not likely, lol...but we have as much of a choice about our mental illness as someone with pancreatic cancer has about theirs.

The diagnosis is the first step, and it's a big one...but I'm proud of you for realizing right off the bat that the "fix" may not be easy or come quick. I'm no doctor, so my opinions should be completely discarded lol...but I will say that I've known a lot of females with bipolar, and almost all of them respond well to the meds they have for it. Just from a layman's perspective, bipolar seems to be a lot less treatment resistant than other mental disorders. So, while it's good to be cautious, be optimistic, too! Like you said, this could be the start of a very positive change in your life!

Good luck, I'm pulling for you! :Coopwink:

Edited by carter_burn1

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