Jump to content
  • entries
    32
  • comments
    14
  • views
    2,228

Selfish.


Stencils118

453 views

It's 2.30am, She's asleep and I'm wide awake. I don't normally have any trouble sleeping, infact, I look forward to it just to escape all the emotion and feelings most of the time. 
A trigger happened today and I guess I can't shake the thought and feeling it gave me, as per usual. 
My partners mother is ill and it's playing on her mind, I should be comforting her yet I seem to be so self absorbed in my own emotional 'mush' I'm so empty to her needs.
I have moments where I just want to comfort her, hug her and love her. And then other moments where I feel withdrawn and hollow. I feel so incredibly selfish. 
I know what causes it, but there is nothing I can do to stop it or even prevent it really. If I don't pay attention to this particular trigger, it feels as though I'm ignoring it and just kidding myself into believing it's not real, but when I give it attention it destroys my mood, confidence and my ability to love my partner properly.


I feel so unsettled and unfulfilled, something isn't right. 

~ A Troubled Traveller

1 Comment


Recommended Comments

I like reading your blog. A lot of your issues are stuff I experience too, but there's also a lot of subtle differences. We get lumped into these categories by the medical community, and even I make the mistake of thinking about it as an apples to apples sort of thing. GAD = GAD, and so it must be experienced the same way by everybody who has it, right? Such a silly mistake. My own emotional problems are well-documented on this site so I won't go into 'em on your blog, but even though we seem to share the same disorders, we experience them very differently. I will say this - if you can, try to count your blessings that insomnia sounds like a rare thing for you. I also see sleep as my only real refuge, but it eludes me every single night I don't take sleeping drugs. I'd take my other problems with good grace if I could just get some normal sleep! :yawn: I hope you can find it in yourself to comfort your partner despite not "feeling it." Even if you have to fake it, it's something you can be proud of - putting your own emotional needs on hold and putting her first. It'll be something that sticks with both of you and breeds positive feelings - she'll be grateful and you'll be proud of yourself. Good luck, hang in! 

Link to comment
×
×
  • Create New...